Checking our snail-mail at home, I saw an envelope that I thought was a wedding invitation. I wasn’t that far from wrong. I opened the lovely vellum envelope and pulled out a delicate crème-colored linen paper with Victorian script inviting Alan and me to a celebration. It was from close friends of my parents, so close that I refer to them as my “Aunt May and Uncle Hilary.” Though divorced, they had been there, together, for every one of my childhood events, treating me as a well-loved niece.

The invitation was beautifully inscribed but not with the usual “wedding-style” wording: “Come share our happiness as we celebrate our love in our re-marriage with a renewal of our original marriage vows.” It went on to state that there would be a formal reception, “black tie” required.

I was thrilled to be invited but also a little puzzled because the couple had a bit of a tumultuous married history, initiating divorce proceedings when I was a teenager. I wondered: What had made them get back together and what had prompted them to decide to renew their original vows when those same vows obviously hadn’t “taken” the first time around? Yet here they were getting married…again.

Renewal of vows is a popular practice today. And marrying each other all over again after two people have been divorced from each other is becoming more common. There must be a reason why we keep coming back to the same man or woman.

What we expect from our spouse when we get married can be different from what we actually get. The day to day living with someone is not as simple as it seems. Even couples who have lived together before getting married find that living as man and wife poses new challenges. Why married couples stay together differs from couple to couple.

But the question is, if you had to do it all over again,would you get married to your husband or wife? And if you answered yes, why, what are the reasons?

There is something to the meaning of the words, “soul-mate.” In some spiritual and religious beliefs, the idea that two souls are destined to be husband and wife is an accepted fact. If you think about, it is a beautiful thing. Two souls meant for each other from before conception, already in love, just waiting for the right time to meet physically. Some religions also believe that you and your spouse will wed each other throughout seven reincarnations, regardless of any turmoil you may have experienced as a couple. Other beliefs state that you will meet your spouse over and over again, in many different lives because you are fated to be together. You cannot escape your destiny as a couple.

Spiritual beliefs aside, there are other reasons that you would renew vows or re-marry your former spouse. One of the most persuasive ones is the inherent goodness or qualities of the person with whom you fell in love. You began to love this person for a reason; a part of it must be their moral strengths, their kindness; their treatment of others. Although looks initially attract us, it’s not just a great-looking body and the most gorgeous eyes in the world that draw us together. Common ground, common values, common goals are a big part of it at the beginning of a relationship. The other person has something intangible that appeals to you. That, plus a strong physical attraction, begins a relationship which leads to marriage.

But whether you are married five, ten, twenty, forty, or fifty years, you are not the same person who said the original vows and neither is your spouse. You have grown as a person and as a partner. Your ideas and thoughts have undergone change as your knowledge of life has increased. If your partner has not grown along with you in a complimentary way, your growth and his stagnation will present a problem. That problem might lead you to question why you’re together and a decision to divorce may be made.

The answer to the question of whether you would marry your spouse all over again is that, most people would. If the marriage as a whole has been good with mutual respect a primary ingredient, husbands and wives say that a renewal of vows, either privately or with friends and family, is something they would consider doing. The surprising stipulation to this answer is that the original vows themselves would have to be rewritten to express the couple’s continued commitment and growth as individuals.

As for re-marrying your former spouse, unless there has been a catastrophic reason for the divorce, such as violent physical abuse, unrepentant infidelity, or any situation that has caused irreparable damage to the marriage, the majority of divorced couples would and have. According to statistics, remarriages are on the rise in countries where divorce is easily accessible!

Aunt May put it best when she said:
“We’re “re-marrying” each other because I have found that no matter who I was seeing, no one compares with Hilary. There was a reason we married in the first place. It’s even more than love, it is indefinable. We have more knowledge of who we are and where we want to be. Now we’re more ready to be the couple we know we can be.” Uncle Hilary nodded in assent.

As for me, I know that, with all the ups and downs in our marriage, the tears, the frustrations, the sometimes anger, and all that we’ve weathered together, Alan is still the man I would marry all over again.

While we were mere babies when we wed, (college freshmen), we have grown separately and together. Our ideas and goals have matured, second careers have begun and we are more supportive of each other than before. And as Aunt May said, there is that something indefinable that brought us together, keeps us together, and would make us get married...again.


Sacred Jude in My Life, Miracles Abound!!










Sacred Jude Spirit