Guest Author - Erika Krull

Many people have shared rooms with a sibling some time in their life. When managed well by an observant parent, sharing rooms can provide opportunities for cooperation and good communication. Above all, you need to take into account your family and your kids’ individual needs. If you have a child with special needs, poor sleep habits, or other issues, you may need to get very creative with your sleeping arrangements. Here are some general do’s and don’ts to consider when having siblings share their space.

Do encourage cooperating with cleaning responsibilities. Just because there is probably a younger sibling doesn’t mean they should get out of cleaning up. Even young kids can take some daily responsibilities such as personal laundry, making their bed (very basic), and picking out clothes. When they take more pride and ownership of their space, they can make a very good team.

Do consider everyone’s personal differences, likes, and dislikes. Just because siblings share a room, doesn’t mean they both want really “matchy” kinds of things. Agree on a somewhat neutral background where different accents can be added or changed. Allow each kid to pick their own comforter and sheet sets. Or, share this as a gift idea with for grandma to buy. Let the siblings choose some easy inexpensive accessories for their room. They will likely enjoy being there and have more reason to want to take care of it if they have some input.

Do use the space and organization wisely! Use bunk beds or captain’s beds (raised beds with drawers underneath) whenever possible. For older kids, using a loft frees up nearly 26 square feet in a room. Get creative with these kinds of beds to make private play and sleep places. Use draping ribbons like a curtain to make a stage under a loft. Use some curtains under the top bunk bed to make a private “club” out of the bottom bunk. Use vertical stacking storage bins or drawers. These can be useful as hampers, dressers, sorters for picking out clothes during the week, etc. Find furniture that uses vertical space well and can be easily moved to different parts of the room. (Hint: A really bulky wide dresser may not be the best option). The more open floor space you can create, the more likely they are to play in their rooms and leave your living room alone!

Don’t worry about some conflict. Even with siblings who don’t share rooms, there is bound to be arguing at times. Being in the same space will bring many opportunities to learn about sharing and taking turns. If the fighting becomes chronic, then you must lay down some firm guidelines with appropriate consequences and rewards. Make them both responsible for getting along with each other. Most of the time, both siblings do things to provoke the other or play the sympathy card to the parents. If they are both invested in making things work, you encourage the power of positive peer pressure.

Don’t put kids in the same bedroom if you suspect bullying or frequent taunting. This is a serious problem that must be stopped immediately. It isn’t the same as conflict or sibling rivalry. The protection of your more vulnerable child should be strongly considered if this is going on in your house. There is another set of articles on this site that explains more about this if you are suspicious of bullying in your home.

Don’t put children of the same sex together for very long. You may be able to get away with this for a short while with very young children, or fraternal twins while they are little. However, it is best to separate children of opposite sexes to help them understand privacy issues. Young kids tend to like running around without being fully dressed at times (anyone have a good answer for this one??). Some opposite sex exposure between siblings will be inevitable at young ages. If you have a very small house and you have opposite sex children, opt to keep the baby in your room for a while and give the older one their own room. When the baby is a little older, you may need to get pretty creative to be sure they have private bedroom spaces.

All in all, sharing living space is a constant learning ground. Strong bonds can be forged this way. Personality differences can be easily exposed. However, sharing personal space is something everyone needs to learn. So don’t feel bad if you don’t have enough rooms for each sibling. The kid with the private room just might be the jealous one!