Guest Author - Krissi Danielsson

I’ve been seeing a lot of new books hitting the market lately about pregnancy loss (including my own in March 2008), and I think it’s a great trend. When I had my miscarriages a few years ago, there was so little out there that offered support. So many more books are available now, thanks to authors who are increasingly motivated to spread the word and share their experiences to promote awareness.

Hannah Stone is one such author. I reviewed her first book, Forever Our Angels on this site. Hannah is now working on another project and looking for contributors. I asked Hannah to participate in an email interview about her miscarriage awareness efforts. Here’s what she had to say.

Q: What inspired your first book, Forever Our Angels?

Hannah: I decided to write Forever Our Angels because I felt that there was something missing out there in terms of a resource for grieving parents. When I suffered my first loss over 12 years ago, I searched for a book that could offer a first-person perspective of pregnancy loss. I felt very much alone in my time of loss (both with the first loss and with my second and third losses) and I wanted to know that there were other men and women out there who understood my pain.

I never found such a book and I made it my goal to give something to other grieving parents. I shared my experiences with loss and gathered stories from other men and women who were willing to tell their stories. I did this first and foremost for grieving parents who are faced with what I have faced. I want them to know that they are not alone. I also wrote "Forever Our Angels" for the support system of our grieving parents out there -- the family members, friends, doctors -- who may not understand what a true loss this is. My mother read the book and then commented that she didn't know how much pain I was in at the time of my losses. The stories in the book allowed her (and so many others) to gain a better understanding of the pain surrounding pregnancy loss.

Q: What has the reception been like?

Hannah: The reception to "Forever Our Angels" has been overwhelmingly positive. Grieving parents who have read the stories in the book, tell me how important this book is and how long they've waited for a book that they can relate to. I've received endorsements from doctors, grief counselors, directors of pregnancy loss support groups…you name it. Hospitals all over the country are utilizing Forever Our Angels in some venue, whether it's through a perinatal loss support group, a lending library, a gift shop or on the birthing room floors. Support groups all over the world -- in New Zealand, the United Kingdom, Australia and the United States -- are working with me to spread the word about the book. I've been working with websites such as www.october15th.com, www.aplacetoremember.com and www.asklenore.info. I've met such wonderful people through it all and for that, I am so grateful.

Q: What do you think is the biggest challenge women face after miscarriages, thinking of the lack of awareness?

Hannah: I think the biggest challenge we face following a loss is the response or lack of response that we get from others. People don't know what to say so they either say something that was intended to be well meaning but did not turn out that way or they turn the other way and don't acknowledge us. I was once that person who turned the other way when I knew of others who had suffered a pregnancy loss. I didn't know what to say and I was afraid to say the wrong thing so I avoided a discussion. When I was going through each of my own losses, I came to realize that turning the other way is the worst thing that someone can do.

Yes, I have heard all of the "wrong" things that people can say -- "it's for the best," "you'll have other children," "better now than later" -- but it is far worse to ignore the loss. If anything, Forever Our Angels will allow people out there to realize that all we grieving parents need is a simple "I'm sorry" and "my thoughts and prayers are with you." Keep it simple and sincere but acknowledge us!

Q: How do you think women should deal with unsupportive friends/family/practitioners? Do you think that lack of awareness is usually the reason for the lack of support?

Hannah: It is so important that grieving parents have a support system, whether it be family members, friends, doctors. I wrote an essay on the importance of finding support during and after a pregnancy loss. The support starts in our own homes with our spouses and significant others and extends to our families, friends, community. If we aren't finding the support and comfort through those people, we still need to feel validated in our grief. That means that we have to find support with others who understand and who have been there. There are hospitals and community centers all over the country, which offer support for perinatal loss.

I wasn't told that there were support groups to join when I experienced my three losses. I know that it would have made a world of difference in my healing, had I gone to a support group and talked to other grieving parents. It wasn't until a few months ago that I went to a support group meeting -- eight years since my most recent loss -- and I was able to speak publicly about the pain and grief surrounding my losses.

I do think that once there is more awareness and education on pregnancy loss, things will move in a positive direction in terms of support.


Q: What can we do as a society to better support women who have had pregnancy losses?

Hannah: Unless we have walked in their shoes, we can't really understand what women are going through when they suffer a pregnancy loss. Being able to read stories from other men and women, will hopefully allow us to empathize with others. As a society, we have to break the silence surrounding pregnancy loss. There is a campaign run every year for October 15th to be “Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.” It's still a challenge to get it recognized nationally and that is a shame. Of course, everyday should be a remembrance day for our lost babies.

Q: What are you hoping to accomplish with your next book?

Hannah: I am currently gathering stories for a second book that focuses on what grieving parents have done to help their healing in the aftermath of a pregnancy loss. I include recommendations from doctors and I have a chapter that focuses on the various support groups out there. The contributors talk about the different things they have done to help their healing -- holding a memorial service, planting a tree, keeping a scrapbook, a balloon ceremony, joining a support group. This is a book that continues from where I left off with Forever Our Angels. In the first book, I collected stories that were of the pregnancy loss experience itself. This book is more of what grieving parents have done, once the physical pain is over. Two of my original contributors submitted something for this project. The response to this book has been amazing.

Q: Are you still looking for contributors for your next book?

Hannah: I am open to submissions from contributors for this book through early March. They can email me directly at Hannah.stone@sbcglobal.net

Be sure to check out Forever Our Angels on Amazon. Hannah also has a website you can visit here:
http://foreverourangels.tripod.com/