Guest Author - Paula Petrie
Dr. Sal Severe states that we should ask ourselves, “If I didn’t say a word all day, what lessons would I have shown my children through my actions?”
This is such a great question. If our children’s best teacher is example, are we showing to kids what we would like to have them emulate? And, do our actions apply what we are trying to teach them verbally?
Are we showing our children how to be open and generous with their time. Or by example, are we teaching them how to ignore others requests and act superior? I use this question often as a check and balance, to mirror my actions.
So we catch ourselves acting in ridicules and childish ways. Oops, now what? Should we start drumming up reasons why our actions are justified? No. We really, really, need to be willing to admit mistakes to ourselves, and take the time to work on growth.
Ideally, when we act in ways that we would find unacceptable in our children, we should apologize to them. It shows that we are humble, and brings an understanding that we never outgrow the need to improve ourselves. It also gives us opportunities to explain, and examine with our kids, how we get caught in emotional snares, and what action would have been a better way of coping. Witnessing inappropriate behavior from an adult, is confusing to a child. Kids need help developing a better understanding of human nature, and the brave ability to communicate with, and help, others stuck in an emotion.
Children need a peaceful, happy, honest, and stable, environment to relax and grow rich in potential. A retreat from the rest of their day, and the rest of the world. A place to regenerate, and absorb or deflect, the information that bombards them.
A happy home doesn’t just happen in this stress-filled age. Often a mom needs to take charge of this hugely important task. Bring hugs and help family members relax by sharing the events of their day. Work to create a calm environment for hubby and children to unwind. It sometimes helps to keep the “check and balance mirror” handy.
So mom has had a hard day, too. Why is this added chore on her shoulders? Because, when the husband is busy dealing with his burdens by commanding, and the kids are wound up, and about to spin out of control from their stresses, you are the secret key that will bring calm and a wonderful feeling of family unity to the entire household, including for yourself.
Try hard to make time for connecting with your husband, (you both need a shoulder to sigh on.) I make sure that we share a hug the minute my husband walks through the door in the evening, (but he often works away.) It helps stabilize us both, and we calm and jell together.
Families also need together time. Try to create situations where everyone can chill and have fun, like a cook-out or a card game. During these times keep conversations positive. This is not the time to discuss a bad grade.
To find true peace in our homes, we need to resolve and dissolve the negative strain everyone brings into it. Absolutely as easy as it sounds when we understand and remember the value of calm. You will be grateful that you did.
Unresolved negative emotions such as festering frustration or stress, stifle growth and learning, and can sometimes lead to larger psychological and physical problems. Not what we want for our children, or our old age.