The Twilight books come highly recommended by educators for good reason. There is no unmarried sex or drugs. There is no foul language. Further, Edward is old fashioned (because he’s old and I’ll touch on that soon enough) and respectful of Bella’s innocence.
My initial take on Edward was pretty negative. During the first three-quarters of “Twilight”, Edward - although smitten with Bella - is not always nice to her. Actually there are many instances where he is rude, neglectful, controlling and comes off as horribly self-centered.
Bella’s first encounter with Edward happens in the high school cafeteria where he is glaring at her all through lunch. Although she is trying to get to know her new friends, she is railroaded by the fact that the most beautiful boy she’s ever seen is throwing daggers at her with his eyes. These glares balloon into an obvious revulsion during their next class where they are assigned a shared science table.
Edward then embarks on what Bella refers to as “mood-swings”. He attempts at being nice then barks out a rude comment. He saves her life and follows up by making her feel like she’s somehow deranged in her recollection of events. He continues with this moodiness by flirting with her and then telling her he’s no good for her and that she should stay away from him.
As he begins to acknowledge his feelings for her, Edward begins to stalk her – convinced that Bella is somehow in constant danger. He watches over her, tracks her down and follows her constantly.
When friends and family witness relationship behavior such as unkindness, neglect, control and rudeness, we hope the girl will stay away from him. If she doesn’t realize this boy is treating her wrong, it’s time for someone to step in. In the case of “Twilight” and its sequel “New Moon”, Bella’s friends and her father let her know that Edward looks at her like he’s going to have her for lunch. Bella however, “knows” Edward. Despite concerns from everyone else who cares about her, Bella trudges on into a relationship that proves to be over-the-top dangerous.
What young readers may not take into account is that it is extremely easy to justify the advances of a handsome boy while dismissing his ruder traits. We know a young girl is not going to date a vampire. But how quickly will an adolescent girl accept unkindness and control because Bella accepted it?
As Edward and Bella get to know each other, Bella finds herself having no room for her own friends. One day Edward suddenly decides that they should have lunch together. He sits at a lone table and gestures to her. When she walks to him he announces, “I thought we should have lunch together.” Never questioning if she wants to join him and not her friends, Bella sits across from him and neglects everyone else.
Most teenage boys tend to be neglectful or annoying. It’s often joked that when a boy likes you he will start to bug or irritate you. Edward is not acting like the typical adolescent boy. As already stated, he is not an adolescent at all. He’s closer to 100 years old. If a crush were to be neglectful, rude, self-centered or controlling, a girl (with an immature, still developing mind) may justify this because the hero in her four-book series did the exact thing.
Abuse among teen boyfriends is high. It doesn’t take much for a young girl to rationalize and defend her boyfriend’s abusive behavior. A recent article from Metro.co.uk chronicles teen risk from abusive relationships. Diane Sutton, head of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) policy and public affairs said: "It is shocking to find so many young people view violence or abuse in relationships as normal. Boys and girls are under immense peer pressure to behave in certain ways and this can lead to disrespectful and violent relationships, with girls often bearing the brunt."
Break the Cycle, an organization committed to preventing dating violence, states the following as signs of an abusive relationship:extreme jealousy or insecurity, constant put-downs, possessiveness or acting like they own you, telling you what to do, explosive temper, isolating you from your friends and family and preventing you from doing things you want to do.
In the first book Edward shows possessiveness by wanting to keep an eye on Bella all the time. He has an explosive tempter toward her and gets easily irritated. Because Bella tends to be clumsy, he is annoyed that she tends to trip and fall. He bursts out, “Can’t you watch where you are going?”
When Edward begins to fall for Bella he keeps a stalker-like inspection over her. He goes into her backyard and secretly watches her read, take a nap and wander into the forest. Later he sneaks into her room to watch her while she sleeps. Readers of these books probably find this a true testament of his vampire love for her. To a parent, some punk is breaking into their home to watch their daughter sleep.
Bella, like most teenage girls who find out a beautifully gorgeous young man is madly in love with her, thinks it’s wonderful that a boy is breaking into her home. She’s flattered that she’s getting attention. Somehow a stealth-like vampire stalking someone’s daughter is surprisingly OK.
Bella finds herself isolated, having to choose between her friends and Edward. She becomes completely disinterested in her peer group. She keeps secrets from her father and mother.
Statistics from the US consistently state that at least 1 in 3 women is beaten, coerced into having sex or otherwise abused at some stage during their lives. Other abusive relationship statistics indicate that domestic violence is still the single biggest threat of injury to women. This threat is bigger than heart attacks, cancer, strokes, car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
There are countless teens dating someone who gets easily frustrated, disses, puts down, or becomes controlling and/or isolates his girlfriend.
Teens want relationships. They crave attention. Their chemical make-up allows for clueless and rude adolescents to consume their entire life. There are countless books and real-life stories about girls who “love him” and therefore justify negative and abusive behavior in order to stay in a relationship rather than be alone.
Bella finds herself consumed by Edward and his world. She is “hopelessly” in love with him after their first date. She wants nothing more than to become a vampire and shed her entire identity as a human. This is coming from a well adjusted teen that has two parents who love her. She is a straight A student. She’s responsible. She’s considerate and she has lots of friends.
Upon dating Edward she immediately isolates herself. By the second book she spends all her time and has all her classes with Edward. When Edward decides to leave, Bella is devastated. She does nothing for months.
Laney Kapgan, from Break the Cycle, was asked, “How far is too far?” The response was “any relationship where someone feels afraid or controlled has gone too far. Name-calling is too far.” Someone who is telling you what to do, who is extremely jealous or possessive in their behavior has the warning signs of extreme control and potential abuse. If they begin to isolate you by pulling you away from your friends or family or have big mood swings all indicate a pattern for abuse.”
Although these are not reasons to have your son or daughter abstain from reading this book series, these statistics are reasons parents need to be involved in what their kids are reading.
Although Bella has complete confidence that Edward will not utilize her blood for a decadent dessert, Edward is not so sure. He is continually tempted by her scent to suck her dry. This trust of Bella’s is not unlike the trust one crush has on another. Again, in the developing adolescent mind which is hungering for attention and love, someone who is dangerous can also be highly desirable.
Because boys aren’t vampires, aren’t older than two decades and have the human challenges we are all burdened with, he won’t be an Edward copy. They will be young, immature, basic boys who will ignore, bother and have sex on the brain. They will drive cars too fast and not have vampire reflexes. They will not be stealth-like. They won’t be able to use their hand to stop a truck from crushing someone. And they probably will not insist, while their girlfriend is trying to take off her clothes, to wait to have sex when they are married.
These are all the reasons today’s parents need to be involved in their child’s lives. Read what your kids are reading. Watch the movies your kids are watching. Talks about books and pop culture can give you an opportunity to give parental insight without being obtrusive. You might even be viewed as cool.
Finally, set a healthy example of what a relationship should be. A healthy relationship, according to www.recoveryman.com includes non-threatening behavior, respect, accountability, trust, support, honesty and shared parental responsibility. If you find yourself justifying abuse in your family, that’s tough on any child. If your child is reading a book which has references to control and abuse, how quickly will your child fall into that pattern? It’s a question all parents should ask themselves.