Wii Yoga

Wii Yoga
I was SO disappointed by this game. I can't even begin to express how awful this game is. There should be a zero star rating. Let me see if I can go through the problems.

First, they promote the game as featuring model Anja Rubik. There's a big picture of her on the cover. And yes, you get maybe 1 minute TOTAL of video of her talking throughout the game, in little pieces. She - very rarely - will appear to tell you about her love of yoga or to encourage you. That's it.

The rest of the time you have atrociously drawn characters who seem to be from a N64 era guiding you around. I kid you not. The graphics are some of the worst I've ever seen on a modern era system. The avatars look like they've been beaten by their husbands.

There are three main modes. Practice mode shows you the list of poses to choose from. You can look through the different poses, choose one, and see it demonstrated for you. Then you can do it on your own, with the on screen avatar simply guiding you. The backgrounds are random "room with wood floor and a window perhaps" animations. You can see them from all four sides.

On to the routine mode. In this mode you get a few set choices: arthritis, backache, cold, home, obesity, student, abdominal, headache, heart. NONE of these matched anything I wanted to do. How about stress? Where are USEFUL routines?

These routines send you through a set routine, but there are NO audio prompts! Your on screen person goes into pose 1 - so say bow pose. Then they suddenly go into plough pose, and since you're trying to do the pose properly and look down, you have no idea! You look up and they're in pose #3! The most they say is "breathe" randomly. There's boppy techno-Indian music in the background. There's no warning of how long the routine will be, and at the end maybe they go into corpse pose to relax, but the techno-Indian music continues, and you're only in it for maybe 8 seconds anyway. There is no ability to create your own routines.

OK, maybe story mode is better. You get to choose from 4 guides, 2 male, 2 female. Then you enter a pixellated temple. You move from "painting" to "painting" and get a two to three line description about each one, about what a yoga pose does for you or how to eat in a healthy manner. I am starting to finally get enthusiastic. Some of the areas of this temple are pretty and I look forward to roaming it later. I skip the areas where it shows me a painting of a pose and says "try this pose". Then suddenly it says to go to the second floor. I agree. After 20 minutes I realize there are four floors to this temple and that the entire temple is SOLELY a "It's a Small World" ride. The only way to move through these floors is to follow the poorly animated virtual avatar around and hear her awful animated scripts. You can't walk through the koi pond or the sand garden on your own. Not only do you have to listen to the awful, repetitive script but you have to press A repeatedly just to get through a floor.

If you agree at any point to "try the pose" demonstrated in a painting, it in essence goes into the training mode. You have the option to have the pose demonstrated to you, and you can "try the pose" with a random person and random environment. The guide you have chosen is gone. You of course never see Anja Rubik demonstrating anything.

You're also stuck with the guide you choose at the beginning. Want to try a different guide? Create a different profile.

OK, well the game is awful and the graphics are awful. How about the information being presented? First, Anja Rubik says in her very brief appearances that yoga is not about religion. It's about inner balance. But the rest of the video talks strongly about connecting to the cosmic energy and how the Indians created this religious system over a thousand years ago.

What should you eat? Apparently if you eat overheated foods you become self centered, insecure, and IGNORANT. OK, I can understand food choices making you hyper, but IGNORANT?? Food choices erase your memory?

And then there's the "restless" foods. They include spicy, coffee, tea, chocolate. OK, I get the angst about caffeine. But fish, garlic, and meat? If you eat garlic and fish you become restless? How about omega-3 oils being healthy for you??

Apparently the "proper" diet involves fruits, grains, milk, vegetables, nuts, and beans. This is just a bit too much.

The scary avatars smile at you - without moving - while the messages transmit telepathically. When the poses are shown, with no verbal cues at all, a creepy set of lungs inhale and exhale in the corner. The rooms shown have wooden bars across the windows to keep you from escaping.

I adore yoga, and this DVD was so atrocious that I cannot even imagine who I will send the game to to review it next. For environmental reasons I cannot bring myself to throw it out, and the only purpose to forward it would be to allow others to spread the word about how bad it is. Every dollar we own is precious. To imagine spending enough money to feed a child for a month on this dreck is scary.

Do not buy this. Warn others, so money is spent on productive efforts, not on this.

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