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BellaOnline's Adoption Editor


The Adoption Match

Finding out a birth parent has chosen you is an exciting but nerve-wracking time. You finally feel like you’re getting somewhere and your hopes of becoming a parent will soar. However, this step of the adoption process is often the hardest.

The reason: There is nothing left to do but wait. Depending on how far along in the pregnancy it is, you may have several months of waiting. So what do you do in the meantime? You certainly can prepare a nursery and purchase baby supplies if you feel comfortable doing so. It’s all a matter of preference. Some waiting parents are afraid to make too many preparations in case in the birth mom changes her mind. Of course, this is very possible. About half of all women who initially choose adoption for their unborn child ultimately decide to parent.

But that doesn’t mean you should deprive yourself of the experience of preparing for a child. During this period, it’s helpful to read parenting books, discuss names and ready yourself for the life-changing role of mom or dad. Keeping a journal is also very cathartic and may even be something you can later share with your child.

Some birth mothers want the adoptive parents to participate in doctor appointments and ultrasounds. This is a great way to bond and develop a solid relationship with your future child’s birth family. Often the two families find they have much to talk about and share, and even become good friends during the wait. After all, you both have the child’s best interests at heart, so you are on the same team!

The number one thing I found to help pass the time during the wait—and prevent yourself from going stir crazy—is to keep busy. Just months before our daughter was born, my husband and I took a trip to San Francisco. We also spent time going on dates and visiting with friends and family. Once you become a parent, social outings take a back seat to parenthood and you’re often too focused on your child to participate in recreational activities or hobbies. The waiting period is the perfect time to do these things and treat yourself to a little extra fun and pampering.

Assuming everything goes smoothly, in a few short months (or less), you’ll get a call to head to the hospital for the child’s birth. Before you go, remember to bring an infant car seat and a diaper bag with basic supplies such as diapers, formula, bottles, a blanket, a burp cloth, wipes and a going-home outfit for the baby.

Of course, not every match will work out, but eventually you will connect with the right birth mother and find the child that is meant to be a part of your family.
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Coping With the Adoption Wait
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Content copyright © 2015 by Deanna Kahler. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Deanna Kahler. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Deanna Kahler for details.


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