Guest Author - Sadiyya Patel
No matter how wonderful your husband is, there are probably some (or many) things you would like to change about him. Have you ever thought "If only he'd stop being so lazy and help me more around the house (or whatever other complaint you have), everything would be perfect."
And so you started trying to get him to change that annoying trait. Has it worked? Probably not.
In fact, he's probably dug in his heels and stubbornly refused to change. Or perhaps he's become more distant and seems emotionally unavailable. Let me explain why.
The need to be accepted for who he is, is one of the most fundamental needs of a man. If you feel that your husband isn't acceptable the way he is, he senses that through your words, attitude and actions. And he'll probably react by building a wall around his heart and shutting you out.
The secret to getting your man to truly open up to you is to understand and accept him for who he is. Judging and criticizing your husband is one of the most damaging things you can do in a relationship.
Every husband wants a wife who accepts him and likes him for who he is. When a wife constantly reminds her husband that he isn't okay the way he is, he becomes guarded and gradually becomes less and less open to love.Over time, his heart hardens and the love he once felt for his wife dies.
The poor wife, on the other hand, is left wondering what's happened. She begins complaining and criticizing even more, and this causes him to become even more emotionally unavailable.
Woman make the fatal mistake of falling in love with a man's potential rather than for the man he is right now. Then they try to change the man to meet their expectations. For example, you want your husband to live a long and healthy life so you try to get him off the couch and into the gym.
But this failure to accept your husband for who he is starts a downward spiral that only leads to unhappiness. The irony is that once you start to accept your husband for who he is, he will become more willing to change in order to please you.
Wouldn't you be more willing to change in a climate of unconditional love and acceptance rather than one of criticism and condemnation? The biggest turn-off for a man is a critical, angry and aggressive woman.
If you're skeptical, all I ask you is that you suspend judgement and just try the following experiment. For the next 6 weeks, don't let a single complaint or criticism pass your lips. Instead, appreciate your husband for the little things that he does. In addition to this, give him at least 1 compliment a day.
I promise that you will be amazed at the positive difference this little step will make in your marriage.
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