Guest Author - Cathy Brownfield

Some of us need to learn how to take care of ourselves. We don’t do a very good job of seeing to our needs. (It’s no big deal for me to sacrifice, to do without, so somebody else can have.) To a degree that’s fine. But like everything else, a steady diet of it just isn’t very good for anyone. Moderation…a word that we need to understand better.

Lynn learned from her mother that it is selfish to think of self before everyone else. Like her mother, she is less inclined to buy new clothes for herself. (These jeans that my daughter handed down to me when she lost all of that weight will work just fine.) She has often given the last of her money to her husband or one of the children. (They need it more than I do. Besides, payday is just a few days away…well, OK. Payday is a week away.) She serves dinner to everyone else at her table before she serves herself. She rarely says no to anyone, even if it means that she falls short of time and resources to take care of her other obligations. (I’ll stay up a little later to get my work done, but I have to _________________________ for _____________________. If you are a Lynn, you know how to fill in the blanks.)

There’s some missing data. First of all, often the best thing for everyone in the household is what is the best thing for Mom. (Sorry, guys. But given that we’re talking about Moms, here, you understand.) Last on the list isn’t always where Mom belongs. Or where women belong. Sometimes Mom has to put herself at the head of the line because her charges need to understand that they can’t always come first. Sometimes they have to stand in line, too.

Additionally, Mom needs down time, too. Mom needs help around the house. Even when children are grown and still living at home with Mom and Dad, they should help around the house. They should be doing their share. It’s not selfish for Mom to expect them to do their share of the chore list every day.

Lynn was exhausted. She asked her doctor why she was tired all the time. “Give me a run down of your average day,” he said. “Well, I get up and throw laundry in the washer, get the kids up, get breakfast, get ready for work, drop the kids at school, go to my job, run errands at lunch time, stop at the grocery store on the way home from work, prepare dinner, oversee homework, supervise kitchen cleanup after dinner, more housework and laundry.”

“Do you ever stop, sit down and put your feet up? Do you ever listen to your favorite music or read that book you’ve been meaning to take time to read?”

“What?” She could have sworn he was speaking a foreign language. “You mean…I’m allowed to do that?”

“You should be doing it,” he said. “If you don’t, you won’t be around to take care of all of those things that you THINK you have to be responsible for.”

Wow. He was giving her permission to take care of her needs, too…to delegate some of her chore list to her husband and children…to sit down and relax at least 15 minutes a day.

Her children are grown now, but the lessons still apply. Sometimes she gets overwhelmed because she forgot to be vigilant about taking on too much, but she delegates some of the chores. Sometimes she just does things because it’s no big deal and really doesn’t take long to do, like washing supper dishes. She washes dishes as she cooks so there isn’t much left to wash after supper. Lynn’s husband grumbles about making the bed (when he’s the last one out of it and he expects her to make the bed before he gets in it or he won’t make it when he gets out of it.) and taking out the trash and garbage (“Am I the only one who knows how to do this?” he demands.)

“You guys! You think when you go to work all day to make the paycheck and you come home, you don’t have anything to do around the house!” she counters back at him, trying to find ways to make him see that if he would help, too, she might have some time left to spend with him.

Have you ever made a list of everything you need to do on any given day? At the end of the day, have you made a list of everything you did that day? How do the two lists compare? Have you used your time well? Have you taken time for you? What have you done for you today? And this applies to any age, any stage, of a woman’s life. If you don’t take care of you, if your family doesn’t see that YOU think you’re important enough to be taken care of, how likely is it that they are going to think you’re important? It’s never too late to start a new trend for the you that you are.