Guest Author - Stephanie Cummings

The physical act of making a baby is, usually, pretty fun. The fact is that most of the people in the world started out as a bottle of wine and a romantic evening in. In fact, it’s how we imagine it will be when we conceive our own little bundles of joy.

However, in some cases, trying to conceive can drag on for several months, even years. In these cases, many couples find themselves having trouble not just conceiving, but also just trying.

“Making love” suddenly becomes “Intercourse with a mission” after months of trying to conceive. Couples can become tangled in all the disappointment, heartache, frustration, anger, and stress that comes when making a baby isn’t as simple as a little alone time in the bedroom and any hint of romance is thrown to the curb with all the negative pregnancy tests.

During the months when a couple is actively and consciously trying to conceive, relationships can be tested to the limits. Knowing that the window of opportunity to conceive a child is so small each cycle, women can, and often do, become obsessed during the second week of her cycle. Counting days and charting her temperature, she may become fixated on narrowing the optimal fertilization time down to the correct hour.

This in turn, can have negative effects on the man. Often they feel as though this intimate act is no longer about the two of you, but just a means to an end. He may feel enormous pressure to perform, which unfortunately can result in the inability to do so, wasting a complete cycle.

Worse yet, sometimes this stress can elevate to fights between you and your partner leading to no intimate time at all.

This unnecessary stress is damaging in so many ways. Not only do high levels of stress affect both men and women’s physical fertility, but it can have lasting and disastrous consequences on your relationship. Ironically, if your relationship goes in the toilet while you are trying to make the baby, neither one of you will be able to be the best parent that you can be.

Obviously, when you are attempting something as life changing as having a baby, there is going to be some stress. However, there are some simple steps that you can take as a couple to keep this stress out of the bedroom.

Make it a date

Timing is everything, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t plan a little something extra for the day that you might create your baby. If you know ahead of time which day you will be most fertile, plan to have a romantic dinner, or go to a movie together. Maybe you could revisit the site of your first date or some other special location. Reminding each other of why you are together in the first place can help to solidify the desire for a baby.

Spice it up

There all kinds of ways to do a little something different in the bedroom, but this is a PG-13 article, so you’ll have to do that research for yourself. Just remember that making it a little more exciting can take the pressure to perform off your partner and that can result in a successful try.

Destination Conception

You’ve heard of ‘Destination Weddings’? Well, take it to the next step. Planning a romantic getaway on and around your fertile time can make making a baby that much better. Choosing an ultra-romantic setting can spice things up and get things moving. If you don’t already have a location in mind (such as a honeymoon spot, or significant place), you can check out the Romantic Getaways site here at BellaOnline (you can find it in the Travel and Leisure channel.)

Just Relax

Maybe you don’t have the time for a vacation in the middle of everything else you are trying to do. Try spending a day with just you. Maybe check out a nearby spa for some real life pampering and massage (or better yet, try a couples massage so that you’ll both be relaxed.) If this is even too much, just take a bubble bath, do some yoga, try some aromatherapy, or maybe some meditation. All of this will help you to relax and be more patient, also less demanding, with your partner and can help you to achieve your ultimate goal.

Let’s talk about it!

Communication is an important tool for relationships whether you’re trying to conceive or not, but during this stressful time, it’s down right imperative. Be sure to let your partner know what you are thinking, how you are feeling (physically and emotionally). Let him know what your expectations of him are and be honest with each other. There may come a point when enough is enough and you need to seek outside help, but up until that point, it’s just the two of you—partners—working towards a goal and being able to connect (physically and emotionally) is the only way you are ever going to reach your goal of becoming parents.

Remember that while your whole world seems to revolve around conception while you’re trying, your relationship should take a top priority. After all, your partner is most likely feeling the same emotions that you are and the bottom line is that if your relationship can’t even survive the conception…it won’t survive parenthood.

Keeping things interesting in the bedroom is obviously important to the conception of a baby, as it is extremely unlikely that you will conceive if you just lay in the same bed without touching each other. The road to conception can be long and hard, but if you work together and keep each other’s needs in mind, it can be a little more enjoyable. After all, making a baby is probably the best job you’ll ever have.