War is a terrible thing for anyone. But, while it is difficult for an adult to cope with the uncertainties and constant fears of being left behind while a loved one is away at war, it is one hundred times worse for children.

All children have fears that adults often do not fathom. Children of soldiers need special coping skills in order to deal with the realities of having a parent in a war zone. They are unable to rationalize their terrors concerning what may be happening to a mom or dad gone off to war. As adults we can help in many ways. The first, and most obvious way, is to let them talk about their fears. The second, and most important, is to really listen to what they have to say.

The idea of listening to a child may seem as obvious as allowing them to express their thoughts, but it is not. Adults sometimes have a habit of “half-listening” to a child. This is a time when they not only need you to hear what they’re saying, but to take it seriously.

Be available for any discussion the child might initiate. Let him or her know you’re there for them if they need to talk. If the topic of death comes up, remember the age of the child when responding.

Be conscious of your responses. Don’t say, “Everything will be alright; don’t worry.” Today’s children are more aware of what is happening in a war than you think and they need guidance not a dismissive pat on the head. Don’t tell them it’s silly to be so worried; that devalues their feelings and worsens their fears.

If at all possible, avoid watching the news reports about battle zones. Unfortunately, news of casualties and the horrors of war come into our homes daily via the media. Monitor what they watch on TV and the internet.

Have a fun night once a week. Order in or go out and make it a night where it is only the child and you. Make it a rule that no one can be sad or worried on this one night.

Bring some type of religious or spiritual belief into your home. You would be surprised at how comforting this is to a child. The idea of placing a situation in the hands of a higher power makes a child feel secure.

Never discount counseling for your child. Whether it is individual or group counseling the child will benefit from it.

Seek out support groups through military resources. There are even camps where children of soldiers can go for a two week vacation. Most of them are fee free.

Children need strong supportive adults at this crucial time in their childhood. Be there for them and let them know they’re not alone.