Everyone is familiar with the fact that children build habits based on what they witness from their parents and caretakers. Children learn what they live. This is not just about manners and vocabulary, it also extends to how they keep their environment. No matter what kind of environment a child lives in, it becomes what they are comfortable with because it's familiar. This is the same theory that applies to many people who grew up in abusive households only to marry into the same situation: it is a situation that they are more familiar with and therefore they can anticipate what will happen. That is better than the unknown.

The same applies to environment. Most often, children will perpetuate and maintain the environment the way their parents or caretakers have set it up--intentional or not. If the home is kept disorganized then a child learns that "this is how it's done, this is how we live". Occasionally a child will go against the grain of the family to one extreme or another, but this is sometimes a control or rebellion issue. For the most, children build habits of living based on how they live with you.

I think the best thing that ever happened to me was having a child with special needs. This forced me to evaluate different education models to see which best addressed my son's condition and I was introduced to Maria Montessori (among others). As with each other philosophy, I read about it's originator and how they came to have their ideas. With Montessori, I was able to read a very short book on implementing Montessori in the home early on--and I was hooked. It didn't cost me any money and I flew through the house rearranging here and there, then pushing the practice on my three-year-old. You see, Montessori fully understood that children learned what they lived; and in her eyes, children should live in a beautiful and organized environment. I was all over that. As a stay-at-home mother, people often think that my role--my job--is that of maid (among other things). But I've made a good argument for involving everyone in the family in the upkeep of the home!

For the next few months, the playroom had never been cleaner. Everything had a consistent "home" to return to, and everything had to be put away before taking the next thing out. Of course, when we had company most of this went out the window; but on a day-to-day basis, this was what we reinforced. Everything had a place and everything went in it's place. And the places were pretty. Storage didn't need to be utilitarian. It didn't matter where we stored things as long as my son could reach the storage and as long as we were consistent with where things were kept. It worked. Of course, he was 3 so it was a great deal of reinforcement, but at that age it is no different than reinforcing using the potty when you feel the urge, covering your mouth when you cough and saying "Thank you". After reinforcing it so many times, it becomes habit.

We moved on to incorporate more of Maria Montessori's philosophies into our lives and our son blossomed full of confidence and self-esteem. The power-struggle tantrums disappeared because he now felt a level of power and control he never had before. At 4 years old, he removed a hot cookie sheet from the oven using a pair of child-sized oven mitts. He knows that he is important and capable. He does things I probably never would've dreamed of allowing a child to do. And if he loses a toy the first thing I ask him is where it was. His response is usually "Not in it's proper place"... and the crying stops. It's work for sure, but we are laying the foundation for a lifetime of enjoyment and peace.