Some people have trouble keeping their environments clean and orderly. Some don't. Many people live with others that have more or less tolerance for dirt and disorganization. What happens when two (or more people) who share living space differ greatly on what is acceptable in terms of a clean home?

Often, the person who is less tolerant of dirt and disorganization carries the burden of maintaining the living space. This isn't really a problem if everyone in the situation is agreeable to it. But this is a situation that is prone to heartache if everyone is not at peace with what is really going on.

It is all too easy for the person bearing the burden of cleaning to burn out of the responsibility. And if others in the household are not making an effort to maintain what The Cleaner is trying to set up, there is the strong possibility of emotional distress when The Cleaner feels they are being disrespected and taken advantage of. After all: they took the time to make things clean and orderly. It was important to them and by not helping to keep it that way gives the appearance that what's important to The Cleaner is not important to the people they live with. Likewise, it's as if The Cleaner's efforts were unappreciated.

Enough of this over time can build up a lot of distress and resentment for The Cleaner.

The flip side is that maybe The Cleaner, over time, begins to question everyone else in the household's judgment. How could they live like this? How does this not bother them? Can't they see how ineffective this is? Enough of this will carry over into other areas of your lives. It seems so silly and harmless--right? It's "just cleaning". But the state of your environment says a lot about how you live and on a gut-level makes an impression on others. After all, why would you rush to clean up your kitchen and toilet when company's coming if not for the statement you know it will make about how you live?

The key to avoid this kind of relationship nightmare is communication, understanding, and respect.

First: communicate what is acceptable and what is expected of everyone in the household. AGREE to the terms you are going to live under. If you've been living this way for many years, discuss it as if it is new and say "Okay, I'm going to continue being responsible for this and I expect you will (insert expectation here--is it that they maintain it? not use it/the area?)". Speak it out. Even if there are no changes--make sure you say it out loud and that you are all on the same page. Many of you will be stunned that this will bring the situation to the attention of your household in a way they never saw it. It may change. It may not. It is at least out on the table.

Second: make peace with the fact that you are living among people who are not just like you. Whether you are The Cleaner or you live with The Cleaner--both sides need to understand that different is not always bad, it's just different.

Third: respect what is important to the other people in your household. It may seem meaningless and unimportant to you, but clearly it means something (or nothing) to them. Exercise judgment and choose your battles when doing (or not doing) something that impacts the lives of other people in your home.

It doesn't matter how you choose to live, but living with others is a delicate balance that deserves tending to. If you share living space with someone, you will certainly find it a more enjoyable existence if you can create peace and harmony among you.