Consistency is the key when working with young children and teenagers, especially children diagnosed ADD. When life is consistent, children know what to expect and this is calming to ADD children. Consistency defined, is something that stays the same, it is constant. For instance, the sky is blue. Yet, if suddenly, the sky grows dark, black, and windy; we become anxious, as we do not know what to expect.

Children especially become anxious if there are things constantly changing. This includes rules and guidelines at home and at school. Our expectations need to be consistent. How will a child learn what is appropriate behavior if the same behavior receives different responses each time? How confusing this must be for a child. Inconsistency leads to high frustration levels for everyone, and sets a child up to fail.

When communicating adults need to be clear, concise, and set limits. When talking with ADD children, decrease as much external stimulus as possible. Turn off televisions, radios and have the ADD child stop doing other activities if possible. Get down on the child’s level. Do not tower over them. Make good eye contact, and speak in a normal rate keep all requests simple.

Children, whether ADD or not tend to hear only the first and last statements when given directions. That means if you have more than two things on the agenda you might as well save your breath.

When a parent says 1) turn off the TV, pick up you shoes, and 3) brush your teeth they will usually forget about the middle command, their shoes. You can try this theory at home. Give your ADD and non-ADD children a verbal list of three things for them to do and see what happen. You will be surprised. Parents and teachers must make their expectations clear and concise.

Neither children nor adults are mind readers, and to expect them to be is not fair. Consistency also means we respond the same way when there is a problem. If we yell, hit or demean a child for forgetting to turn in his homework then he or she will soon become frustrated. If we make a simple list and post it onto a folder or desk, it will be easy for the child to learn to check the list to see what is expected. Always educate a child on what is appropriate behavior for his or her situation.

Personally as an ADD mom and a Behavioral Medicine RN, I do not yell. I find that when I raise my voice I am losing control of the situation. Yelling does not improve communication but hampers its effect. Even in an emergency yelling tends only to overwhelm people, rather than help.

Be sure to tell children frequently what you expect him or her to do and when you need them to do it. Imagine how frustrated we would be if our employer did not give us direction in a new job situation. Our employers provide us with an orientation period where they give us clear instructions as to what is expected of us at our job.

I have parents tell me “I already told him a thousand times and he doesn’t get it.” In reality with any child, you will repeat requests often, sometimes until you are blue in the face, but if you are consistent children will learn you mean what you say and say what you mean. Do not ever make it a power struggle. Adults cannot win a power struggle with a pre-teen or teen ADD. They can teach children how to be respectful and consistent in their requests.