Guest Author - Wollie Woehler

When does rejection start?

Rejecting a child can start in the mother’s womb. The fetus is aware of her emotions and can sense rejection even before birth
. Family and other violence, or any violence affects the baby as the mother’s fear and stress is passed on to the baby.

Even before birth, the baby can start identifying the father’s voice. Some pregnant women report that the baby reacts on his voice by moving inside the womb whenever he talks to the unborn baby. A father can start bonding with the baby by talking to it before birth.

The birth of a baby will always be a wonder, as there are so many things that can go wrong during pregnancy. Moreover, things do sometimes go wrong and have lifelong repercussions for the child as well as parents and family.

Certain neuromuscular diseases are diagnosed at birth and others later in life. It will be a shock for both parents and family when the baby they loved already during the nine months of eagerly awaiting its birth turns up with a disability as result of one of the many types of neuromuscular diseases.

The reaction could be one of horror “how are we going to cope with this child?” Guilt “why did we bring a disabled child into the world? Whose fault is it, me or my spouse?”

Again, emotions of rejection or acceptance are carried over to the child. The baby often reacts to all the negativity it experiences from the people who are supposed to love it and now perhaps only tolerant it as something they have to look after but not really love. Constant crying, restlessness, not sleeping, as many hours it needs for growth and normal development are among others influencing the child’s awareness of its environment.

Parents tend to visit one doctor after another just to hear that the child has an incurable neuromuscular disease. This type of conduct is fine as long as it leads to accepting the baby and its circumstances.

The severity of the child’s disability differs from one disease to the other. Many children affected by a neuromuscular disease are able to live a normal life with small adjustments such as built-up shoes. The assistance of a vocational therapist can also teach parents as well as their child ways and means to make life easier for them all.

All effort put in by parents, family, friends and school can only be successful if the parents accept their child for what the kid is. As long as grownups reject the child, how can anyone expect the child to accept him/herself? Everyone in the child’s life may try to pretend to accept the child, it is impossible to hide it from the kid, he/she sense the dislike or rejection and reacts by feeling in the way, guilty because it is a burden for everyone. It is of no use to tell the child “I love you” with the opposite feeling in your heart, he/she is aware of these feelings and reacts there upon.

Rejection can be dealt with in several ways. The one child may be able to find ways and means to overcome these negative feelings while another one may withdraw and hide all emotions and feelings.

The child may become Strong, in a sense that he would not let rejection take over him, or the feeling of rejection will not be embossed in his life, thus rejecting the thought of rejection to strive harder not to be rejected ever again.

Alternatively, weak, in a sense that because of being an emotional type of person, he would just accept the fact that he will always be rejected throughout his life. His behavior will then be according to what he experiences in any relationship.

Attending school may cause other children to pass nasty remarks on how he walks, if he tires after a short while of writing and the muscles in the hand hurts or simply refuse to hold the pen any longer. Children may call him/her names because they do not understand that it is not laziness on his part but a real disease he has to cope with. One way to prevent children from cruelty towards your child is to explain to the teachers as well as to his classmates that Johnny cannot hold a pen for longer than an hour, or shorter time, because of the disease he is living with. Normally other children are too willing to help Johnny whenever he needs assistance if they know why Johnny does things differently than someone with no muscle problems.

On the sport front, the child may also develop feelings of rejection, as he/she cannot join in all the organized sports the other children take part in. An optimistic child told his teachers and parents he will be the enthusiastic leading admirer and supporter of the teem he supports amongst the spectators. This can only realize if he have safety and security of parents and friends who accept and love him/her as part of their group.

Nobody will be happy with an ill or disabled child if they could make a pick on a shop shelf; everyone will pick a good looking, strong, healthy and loving child. Feelings of being cheated by life and even God by giving birth to a child with neuromuscular disease with all the disappointment, grief and pain that comes after the diagnoses has been made and suggestions given of coping with all the problems and shortcomings with the baby or older child can be overwhelming. Depression, guilt, anger may be experienced by the parents. These are normal reactions but need to be dealt with. Visiting a professional councilor can do wonders for persons who want to be helped to enable them to treat and train the child to utilize and sharpen his/her their coping skills.

In conclusion, I want to emphasize the importance of our words, looks, critics where the child with a neuromuscular disease is at steak.

Strive to raise a healthy and independent person. Learn to render assistance where necessary but be ware of smothering the child with too little personal space. Teach your child to see and treat life as a challenge and walk the road together. Allow for mistakes on the part of the parents as well as the affected child. If your child is to live a normal and productive life, he/she must be encouraged in the safety of home to experiment and set goals for what he/she wants to accomplish in future.

The following book written by Kathie Snow, becomes your friend in raising a disabled child:

Disability
is Natural by Katie Snow