Life is all about making choices, that is how one learns. However, it seems ADD or ADHD children and adults have greater difficulty in learning to accept the consequences of their choices and actions. Everyone must learn to take personal accountability for his or her actions regardless if the outcome is positive or negative. People who are ADD tend to be more impulsive when it comes to his or her actions.

When one is held personally accountable for his or her actions, it means he or she must have a valid reason for their behavior. It also means if asked why they made the choice they did that they can give a valid, solid explanation for their decision. Learning to be personally accountable begins in early childhood and starts at home with the primary caregiver, usually a parent.

Parents need to hold a child responsible for their actions starting as a toddler. This happens when adults in the home model the behavior expected of children, and lead by example. Frequently, children receive a hidden message or double standard and double standards are confusing to children. A parent cannot smoke in front of a child, claiming how bad smoking is to your health and demand the child never start smoking.

Children learn what he or she lives with on a daily basis. Every home needs guidelines as to what is and what is not acceptable behavior. It is best to put these rules in writing. When writing out the guidelines use simple, clear, and concise language. Everyone is responsible for following the guidelines, including the adults in the home. The basic rules are no name-calling, no yelling, and no hitting.

When being accountable, consistency is the key. Parents should say what they mean and mean what they say. This is especially important when dealing with an ADD child. Speak in a clear and concise manner, and never make a promise or state a consequence you are not willing to carry out. Anytime you say you will do something and do not do what you say, you lose respect with your children. You also teach them that breaking their word is acceptable.

If an action requires a consequence due to a bad choice, make the discipline fit with the unwanted action. For instance, when a child is disrespectful, perhaps giving them a written assignment on the definition of respect might suffice. Even a first grader can look up the definition of respect, write out the definition, and add an additional two or three short sentences on how they were disrespectful or how they can avoid being disrespectful in the future. The assignments should become more involved as the child grows and matures.

Finally, if parents do not hold a child accountable his or her actions early on, then parents cannot expect the child to grow into a trustworthy and accountable adult. When a parent ignores a child’s misbehavior, they are doing their child a great disservice.

Parents often feel they are being too hard on their child if they make them accountable for their actions. Remember there is a huge difference between punishing a child and helping a child become personally accountable for his or her choices, actions, thoughts, and behavior.