In our home, children are raised to be independent and responsible little people by building confidence and competence. We give them responsibilities. From the age of 3 upward, every child in our home has responsibilities for caring for themselves and for contributing to the family--even though I am a stay-at-home parent. It has nothing to do with who has the time, it has to do with learning to take care of yourself and understanding how to contribute to the maintenance of a family... because that DOES take work. It has to do with the feeling of accomplishment that they are capable of doing these things, and the feeling of confidence that they can be independent. It drives them away from the mentality of being owed and towards the mentality of having to earn.

Of course this means giving the children age-appropriate tasks, tools and materials they can safely handle and manipulate, and learning that the process is less about a task done perfectly and more about a child learning to do it themselves. After all: how will they perfect the technique if it is taken over from them?

Our home is arranged according to Maria Montessori's method: things in our house are stored so that they are easily accessible to the children. Dishes and cups are stored at a level where the kids can reach them without help. The same can be said for their clothing at a young age, books, healthy snacks, etc. They are able to eat anything in the bottom drawer of the fridge (which is fruit and carrots) and they can get their own water from the fridge door.

Whether the child is 3 or 17, it is always best to demonstrate the right way of doing something for them. Model the correct way for them. What seems straightforward to you seems that way because you've done it a thousand times. Don't make this assumption with anyone--especially not a child.

Be sure not to overwhelm your children with chores. The goal is not to redistribute all of the cleaning tasks--it is to empower that child to care for themselves and contribute to the family. Many families start with 1 task per year of age starting at age 3 and stopping when they get to 10 tasks over the course of the week (roughly age 13--at which point they still have 10 tasks each year thereafter). So what kinds of things are age-appropriate?

From ages 3 to 6:

* Making their bed (at 3 & 4, this is best done with the child doing one side of the bed and the adult doing the other and walking them through it)
* Putting their dirty clothes in a hamper
* Making sure toys with a clear and constant storage spot go back in their place
* Set the table (at 3, you might just have them handle the napkins and add as they are more capable until they do an entire place setting)
* Take their dish from the table to the kitchen counter near the sink
* Dust baseboards and low-level bookshelves (make sure they are secured in case children get ambitious and attempt to climb to reach higher shelves)
* Sweep floors (either with a Swiffer or a child-sized broom)
* If you have front-loading washer and dryer, they can move the laundry from the washer to the dryer (this is a huge hit)

From 7 to 11 years old, you could add:

* Vaccuuming
* Unloading the dishwasher or drying hand-washed dishes
* Putting away laundry
* Sorting dirty laundry
* Moving laundry from the washer to the dryer
* Folding clean towels
* Dusting shelves and dresser tops
* Collecting trash from smaller trashcans in the house
* Washing windows
* Feeding pets
* Brushing pets
* Weeding garden beds (you'll be shocked at how much they enjoy this--just be sure they don't pull your flowers!)
* Raking leaves
* Sweeping porches and walkways

From ages 12 and upward, you could add:

* Folding their laundry
* Ironing (with supervision--children are forgetful!)
* Walk pets
* Clean windows
* Mop floors
* Clean windows
* Load the dishwasher or hand-wash dishes
* Take out the main/kitchen garbage

There's an awful lot to choose from and these aren't even all the available things to do. Remember to be sure that you only assign a child a task that is safe not only for your particular child, but your situation. For instance: walking pets and taking out the garbage may not be safe for a child where you live. If ironing can't be done within your sight, you might want to assign a different task to your child. Really, there is enough in the list for 3-6yos to carry a child well into their teens.

So resolve to the benefit of training a child to care for themselves and contribute to the household over having it done perfectly for a while. In the end, everyone will be happier for these lessons that will become a way of life.