Guest Author - Marie Stroughter

How often do you hear, “That’s a boy for you!” Or, “You know how aggressive boys are!” And the ever-present catch-all: “Boys will be boys!”

Conversely, if a boy is quiet or withdrawn then he is a “sissy” or “wimp.” If he doesn’t fight back something must be “wrong” with him.

We say that pink is for girls, blue is for boys. Boys think that girls don’t play sports and can’t perform “boy jobs” like firefighters, police officers, etc. Boys are not supposed to cook, or if so, only if they are living alone and only until they get married!

I was watching television the other night, and they showed an interview with a prominent “pop-psychologist”. One thing he said stood out for me: how differently boys are socialized as opposed to girls. He said that you can find just about any young girl playing house in her room, and “playing out” a wedding scene. He asked, “How often do you see boys doing the same with their GI Joes?”

Don’t boys eventually get married? At some point they must want to or they wouldn’t! Don’t boys often say “when I have kids I’m not gonna….” (insert whatever issue they are mad at you about here)? So they must desire to have nurturing relationships with their children, yet doesn’t society tell us that men who work in daycare must be “perverts”? And the same people who tell us this also talk about “deadbeat dads” who don’t take responsibility for their children and don’t have loving relationships with them. Confused? Go figure!

Do you see the rampant stereotypes here, folks? These ideas didn’t “just” appear. They have been perpetuated over time, and continue to this day. We must challenge these gross generalizations, to increase our sons’ self-esteem, and to affect change in their peer-to-peer relationships.

How can we help our sons and society-at-large overcome these antiquated notions about gender?

Educate: Whenever I hear my son make a sweeping generalization about gender roles, I give him an example that challenges that notion. For example, if he says that “girls are always scared of bugs,” I remind him of one of his female friends who was actually a bug-lover when my son still expressed fear of bugs!

Provide role-models: Read books that depict a variety of people performing different roles. Some of the world’s greatest chefs are men! One of my close friends is a female who works in the field of underwater construction. Try to find books and videos that show everyday people doing everyday jobs that do not perpetuate gender biases. As you go about your daily routine, make verbal note of the people you see doing different jobs. You don’t want to go overboard and make a huge deal out of it, but one way is when passing by a fire station (with female firefighters) say, “Wow! Look at the firefighters washing down the engines!”

Be careful of your own example:: Do you say, “Postman” instead of “Mail carrier”? When you see a male chef or a female astronaut, do you “wonder aloud” about how strange it is?

Challenge: When you see a television program or something with a clear gender bias, note it. Write to the company and express your dismay at them for perpetuating bias.

Encourage: Sexual orientation is not determined by the interests one has. I love to knit. My son has always watched me knit. When he was old enough, he expressed an interest in learning to knit, and I taught him. Further, when I stumbled across a website for male knitters, I showed my son the wonderful pictures in their archives of men throughout various periods in time who knit. They had pictures of men knitting during wartime, and boys circa 1900 knitting as part of school, etc. Further, I told him about the first knitting guilds during the Renaissance that were all comprised of men…in fact, only men could join! One of my son’s friends (also seven), takes a cooking class that he enjoys very much. Encourage these interests…they may be fleeting interests, or they may be lifelong passions!