Guest Author - Marie Stroughter

• I want my son to learn a sense of fair-play and not have a sense of entitlement. Because of his special health condition, it would be all too easy to coddle him to “make up” for what he has been “robbed” of. First off, my son believes his condition is a blessing and has stated often that he loves it and would miss it if he didn’t have it. Secondly, I feel we would be doing him a great disservice if we allowed him to believe that his condition exempts him from good behavior, basic civility or a host of other desirables, “just because.”

I hope this worldview carries over into other areas of his life as well. This past weekend, for example, he competed in a Lego Robotics competition. Though each team received a trophy “Most Creative”, “Most Artistic”, etc.), and each child got a medal, certificate and pin, there were two Judges Choice awards. Now the proud mom in me glommed onto “he won” because his team got one of the Judges Choice awards, but was careful not to say this in front of him because I knew it was an inherent bias on my part. In relating the day’s events to both grandmother’s, he said, “Well, every team got a trophy, which is good, because I think some people might feel sad if they didn’t get anything because everyone did a good job.”

We have been very careful in choosing the “right” setting for his team efforts, because so many coaches feel it is acceptable to yell at children to “toughen” them up, and instill a “win at all costs” mentality in them.

Unfortunately, some parents have embraced this as well, judging from the many “sports rage” incidents occurring at school games. In our home, if you do your absolute best, regardless of the outcome of the game, you are a winner, because your conduct and your behavior, especially under pressure, are what define your “personal best.”

• I want my son to learn to manage money and time wisely. I grew up in a very low-income area. My husband’s family was middle-class. Most families have ups and downs with money. My mother used to tell me that my grandfather always said, “If you can’t pay for it with cash, you don’t need it.” The older I become, the more I see the wisdom in this. My wish for my son is that he be able to distinguish true “needs” from mere “wants.” And that his pursuit of money to provide his needs don’t take him away from the truly important things in his life. Because I grew up in the 70’s, my mind flips to “Cat’s in the Cradle”, the song about a dad so busy at working for his family that he ends up missing the best years of his son’s life.

Which leads to time management. So many families are so busy these days. The children are running to games, practices, classes and lessons after school. Families don’t eat together anymore and if they do it’s cramming down some fast food grabbed on the way home from one of these events. My hope for my son is that he learn to effectively manage his time to reflect his priorities.

My husband works on so many different contracts. I’m sure, if he put those contracts end to end, he works well in excess of 40 hours in a week. However, he makes sure he attends most of my son’s medical appointments, his competitions, and generally clears his schedule to make play time for our son. He often relates that though his father was a busy executive, he missed only one or two of my husband’s track meets over an almost-ten-year span. Now that my father-in-law has passed away, that time is so much more precious in my husband’s memory. That meant so much to my husband, and he strives to communicate that same interest in my son’s activities.

• I want my son to pursue a life-long passion. I love to knit. The rhythmic clicking of the needles is soothing to me. The interplay of color and texture inspire me. Its practicality clothes and accessorizes my family. I want my son to find something in life that he loves doing. Something that challenges, inspires, entertains and intrigues him. Something that will keep him interested in learning more about. My job thus far has been to seek out new experiences for him to see if anything sparks his passion.

• I want my son to be someone that he can always be proud of. When he looks in the mirror, I want him to like what he sees and not be ashamed of what he is, what he has done or what he has accomplished. I want him to walk with integrity in all things. I want him to be someone that when he gives his word on something, others can know he will follow through. When his life is near its end, I don’t want him to look back with regrets – any, “if only’s” – just a life lived fully and one that touched the lives of others.