Guest Author - Marie Stroughter

They say chivalry is dead. If it is, it’s because we as parents haven’t done our part to cultivate it, preserve it or pass it down.

Everywhere we go, people comment on my son’s manners. Not just the ever-present “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome” in his vocabulary, but holding the door open for women, allowing ladies to exit the elevator first, and holding out his elbow to “escort” me during our “dates”. All this, and he's not even eight yet!

But where did this originate? His father and I taught him. Here are some ways you, too, can cultivate or reinforce chivalry in your son:

Model it yourselves: Dads, open the door for Mom; go around to her side of the car and open her car door and hold your arm out to help her out of the car; allow her to exit first when leaving an elevator or let her go through the door (that you are holding open!) when exiting your home or other venue.

Teach it: From the time my son could walk and talk, as he saw his father open the door for me, we always told him, “Ladies go first”. This became ingrained in his thinking. At every opportunity, we explained to him what Daddy was doing and why. Now, it is second nature to him.

Reinforce it: They now have “manners classes” for both boys and girls. There are many books on the subject, and I have listed a few below, as well as links on the subject.

What if your son isn’t interested? If he’s a young guy, explain to him how the knights were chivalrous (what boy doesn’t love knights?). See sites such as:

http://www.chronique.com/Library/Chivalry/code.htm

http://www.chronique.com/ (See Chivalry Kid’s Zone mid-page)

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/chivalry

If your son is a pre-teen or teen, it’s a pretty good bet he is interested in girls. If so, you can discuss “dating etiquette” (and the phone etiquette associated with it) with him:

Go to her door and escort her (do not honk!)

Meet her parents

Allow enough time to escort her home for her curfew and his

Calling if you will be late (late to pick her up or late for curfew)

Opening the door for her

Hopefully, your son will embrace the idea of chivalry. It helps with self-esteem as well as with other’s perceptions of him.

Resources:
Elementary Age:

Scolastic:
A listing of books on manners for younger readers
http://www.scholastic.com/familymatters/read/age3_5/bl_manners.htm

Family Education:
A collection of links on manners
http://life.familyeducation.com/manners-and-values/parenting/34452.html

Focus on Your Child:
A Christian-themed site with some excellent manners tips:
http://www.focusonyourchild.com/learning/art1/A0000016.html

Indianchild.com
A nice, concise listing of table manners:
http://www.indianchild.com/table_manners_for_children.htm

About.com:
About.com’s childcare site weighs in on the subject of table manners:
http://childcare.about.com/od/behaviors/a/tablemanners.htm

Fine Living:
An online article with concise tips for good table manners:
http://www.fineliving.com/fine/rejuvenation_essentials/article/0,1663,FINE_1422_1295961,00.html

Child Care Information Exchange:
A good article on teaching social skills:
http://www.childsday.com/ParentingExchange/PE2003-12.pdf


Tweens (9-12 year olds):

Dr. Dave & Dr. Dee:
A discussion of table manners, with links to other resources
http://www.drdaveanddee.com/elbows.html

Rules of Civility:
George Washington’s “Rules of Civility” in modernized spelling. He copied these items and carried them around with him!:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1248919

Phone & Internet Manners:
“Netiquette” for today’s teens & ‘Tweens:
http://www.canadianliving.com/canadianliving/client/en/family/DetailNews.asp?idNews=1565&idSM=64


All Ages (including many for Teens):

Teacher Planet:
The mother lode of links, resources and worksheets for all ages:
http://www.teacherplanet.com/resource/manners.php

Rude Busters:
Another great compilation of links for all ages (be prepared to scroll a lot!):
http://www.rudebusters.com/etikid.htm

Kid’s Turn Central:
Be sure to click the “online sites” link near the bottom of this article for more quality site listings:
http://www.kidsturncentral.com/topics/issues/manners.htm

Internet Public Library:
The great folks over at IPL have compiled a list of good quality sites:
http://www.ipl.org/div/kidspace/browse/ref9600/

Dummies.com:
From the folks at IMG who bring you the “____ for Dummies” books, an online article packed with information:
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-1501.html

Books:

Amazon.com’s listing of great books for kids about manners:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&tag=kidsdevotiona-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&path=external-search%3Fsearch-type=ss%26index=books%26keyword=Manners%20For%20Kids