Guest Author - Pam Garlick

Sometimes I do the right thing, for the wrong reasons. But by the grace of God, sometimes it still comes out right in the end.

A good example of this was my relationship with my husband, Ken’s, ex-mother-in-law, Thelma. I came into my husband’s life at a very difficult time. Only months earlier his ex-wife, the mother of his three daughters, had died. Her death had taken a great toll on all of them, including my husband.

At the time, Ken was not equipped to bring three teen-aged girls into his home. He was living in a small mobile home at the time. All the circumstances are not important as I write this, except to say that Thelma played an major role in making all the decisions about their future.

In the end, the youngest daughter lived with her in a town not far from where Ken lived. When I entered the picture, Ken told me he wanted to have his girls with him again. His dream became mine. I immediately set out to get to know them better.

However, the closer I grew to the girls, it seemed, Thelma tried to pull us apart. I started to see her as the enemy, and it was as though we were in the middle of a cold war. I’m ashamed to say I even had an unkind nickname for her; though, of course, I never used it in front of the girls.

I prayed for God to change Thelma. To make her stop treating me like the enemy. But things only got worse.

Finally, I realized my selfish blindness. I had failed to see that perhaps, I too needed to change. That was when my prayers changed. I asked God to help me change so that Thelma’s and my relationship could grow, not for me or for her; but for Ken and the girls.

Thankfully God changed our hearts. Perhaps because Thelma was praying much the same prayers for the right reasons. Or, perhaps because Ken and his daughters were praying for harmony in our family, too.

All I know is that I changed. I have come to look upon Thelma less as a woman who is dominating and more as a woman who has had to be strong because of the hardships that had been placed in her way. I believe it has been her faith that helped sustain her through those difficulties and helped her to be strong.

I also see her as a woman who raised a wall between her granddaughters and me, less because she wanted them all to herself, than because she wanted to protect them. I saw the sacrifices she made for her granddaughters, made out of love.

My blinders were taken off and I have been able to see the many good things about her. And I think the same goes for her, as she realized I am not a threat to her, or to the girls. We both have come to realize what we had in common, instead of what is different. Our love for Ken’s beautiful daughters.

All I can say is that today, almost twelve years later, I have been blessed to call Thelma a friend. We can now attend family gatherings as friends. Much to the delight of everyone who had suffered through the tension of those long ago days.

Ken’s three daughters are now all grown and married. Two have blessed us with beautiful grandchildren. I am Grammy, and Thelma is G-G, short of Great-Grandmother.

I think all the resentments are gone, replaced by a new respect for one another. The respect of two women who share a bond of love for a very special family and for the God who helped us to become one.