Guest Author - Pam Garlick

I remember several years ago when Ken and I had some friends over for dinner. We were so thrilled to have guests. It was something we didn’t do as often as we’d have liked, because Ken’s hours were so unpredictable.

The couple, I’ll call, Maggie and Jack, to spare them any embarrassment, arrived and it looked like it was going to be a relaxing meal for everyone. Their young son was spending the day with a friend, so it was almost as though they were on a date.

Dinner discussion revolved around work, as we all made an attempt to get to know one another better. That was where we probably went wrong.

I mentioned Ken working unpredictable hours. That’s often the case with a truck driver. It sometimes put a strain on our relationship.

Well, Jack’s job created even more of a strain. He traveled on business and was gone for days at a time. Sometimes for the entire week. And the tension because of this was thicker than my mashed potatoes.

While I had a problem being objective about Ken’s and my situation, I had no such problem with their’s. It was easy to see both sides of it. Jack had worked at a job for many years before losing it earlier that year to downsizing. He took the new job in desperation to provide for his family.

On the other hand Maggie, worked too. Yet, while Jack was gone, her responsibilities basically doubled. Where Jack had been home to be a part of things previously, he now was gone. It was almost like she was a single-parent. She adapted and felt she had things under control.

Unfortunately when Jack came home he expected his role to be the same. Yet, he was met with hostility when he stepped in and started taking charge of things he once had. It turned into quite a power struggle.

Though we’ve since lost touch, Ken and I think of Maggie and Jack often, and wonder if they managed to stay together. After that meal we both suspect it was going to take a lot of work. A healthy dose of patience and understanding.

Often when I lose my patience and have no understanding left about Ken’s crazy schedule, I’m reminded of that meal. Reminded how I could see both sides of their story.

Jack was gone so much on business trips, his time at home was like a brief visit. Still, his ego had taken quite a bruise when he’d lost his former job. It was important to him to make a success of this one. At the same time, he needed to still be important to his family, after all, they were what brought him home.

At the same time, whether she liked it or not, for the biggest part of every week, Maggie had to keep the home front fires burning for the sake of their son. And she did seem to have everything under control without her husband’s help, it was not without great sacrifice, and a bit of hostility.

There are a few things Ken and I do to keep from getting caught up in the same kind of battle as Maggie and Jack. Not having children at home does help. It helps reduce the parental power struggle that often takes place even when both parents are home.

We also try to communicate as best we can. Often that is with a cell phone, an invention that has saved us many problems. When something comes up at home that requires a major decision, I am able to call Ken and get his opinion. Yes, I could probably make that decision on my own, but it helps maintain our partnership in our household decisions.

Likewise, Ken is able to call me to let me know roughly what time he expects to be home, or to let me know when he’s running late and not to wait for dinner. He often asks if there are any errands he can run on his way home.

Last, we try not to plan anything special on nights he works. Truck drivers have a case of Murphy’s Law. If anything can go wrong, it will. It’s far less stressful to plan an anniversary dinner on a night he’s home rather than having to cancel reservations.

We still have things to work on; but as long as we continue to the patience and understanding, plus a healthy dose of mutual respect, I know we’ll be fine.


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