The Preschool years go by so fast even though some days 24 hours feels more like 240 hours. Preschoolers are small and sweet looking and most of the time a joy to be around and people tend to “ooh” and “aah” over them. The cold hard truth is that at times they can really be frustrating too. Knowing what the typical behaviors for each age of your preschooler, whether it’s a class of ten or a child of one, can help you keep your emotions in check and help the child deal with those emotions and learn more appropriate behavior.
The two year old:*
- Wants exactly what he wants when he wants it.
- Will not usually give in.
- Everything has to be done just so.
- Likes to give orders.
- Has trouble making decisions; wants to be inside but wants to be outside at the same time
- Wants to continue doing whatever he is doing no matter what.
- Wants things to always be just the way they have always been; may accept new things but wants to keep the old things too.
- May begin to bite.
The three year old:*
- Enjoys having things the same way all the time; ie: peanut butter for lunch every single day
- Isn’t as demanding as a two year old.
- Likes talking and word games.
- Tends to be clumsy; spills and falls are very common.
- Will sometimes revert back to being a baby and clinging to Mommy.
- Does not share well.
- Loves pretending.
The four year old:*
- Tends to hit and kick more often.
- Impatient.
- Often loud, silly and/or obnoxious.
- Easily frustrated.
- Tries to shock parents and teachers.
- Makes up wild stories.
The five year old:*
- Likes to be near Mom and a part of everything that is going on.
- Enjoys playing age appropriate games but tends to be more competitive and wants to win.
- Sometimes will take things that don’t belong to him because he wants them.
- May tell a lie to avoid getting into trouble.
By now you’re probably wondering what in the world you can do about these behaviors. The best thing to do is to stay calm and remember that while it may be worrisome, most of these behaviors are not all the time and they do outgrow them.
It’s been my personal and professional experience that for poor behavior it’s best to deal with it immediately and age appropriately. Time-outs usually work well for those behaviors in which punishment must be given. A time-out should last as long as the child is in years. For a two year old, the time-out would be two minutes. For a four year old the time-out would be four minutes on the typical scale. Expecting a two year old to sit in time-out for much more than two minutes is reaching beyond what they are typically able to deliver.
Time-out should be a chair or space where there are no toys, no TV, no coloring, no other playmates, etc. Time-out is just that, time-out to take a break and regroup. Make sure that the child knows the reason for the time-out. It doesn’t help at all if the child hits a playmate and spends a time-out if he doesn’t understand that hitting is not acceptable and that is why he is sitting and not having fun.
Above all else, no matter what, remember that these behaviors are not directed at you the parent or teacher personally. It’s not a failure of parenting skills. It’s also not a failure of teacher keeping control of her class.
These behaviors are what are considered “normal”. However, it’s also my opinion that “normal” is only a setting on my dryer. These lists are in no way meant to be a set marker. They are only a reference point. You may see some of these behavior milestones early, late or not at all. It’s simply a point that can be used to help the caregiver understand certain behaviors.
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*Information from KY Dept. for Social Services
