Guest Author - Pam Garlick

While I was a teen, there was a song that started, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love”. The song could have been my theme, because at that time all I wanted was to be loved. You could say I was desperate for love. The world seemed to be broken into pairs, and I wanted to find my other half, so to speak.

From what I’m reading from many of my young readers, is that decades later, young women haven’t changed much. Oh, the world has changed, and many women have changed with it. But deep in the heart of many younger women there is still that strong desire to have someone who will love us just as much as we will love them.

What’s so wrong with that? Some might be asking.

Nothing, on the surface. Yet, it’s what goes on deep inside many of these young girls that may be potential for a very long, sad road.

No, I’m not a fortune teller. But I do have what they call, “20/20 Hindsight”. So perhaps, I can speak just a little from my own experience, and the experience of many women I have known through the years.

Thankfully, there is a book on the market today that can help me share what I wish I’d known nearly 40 years ago. Written by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice, “For Young Women Only,” may have a familiar ring to its title. Feldhahn wrote two previous books with similar titles that I’ve referenced in past articles. This book is every bit as straightforward and thought-provoking.

Each of these books delves right into the heart of what makes the opposite sex tick. It shares insight into what the opposite sex really wants in a relationship. I recommend these book to anyone contemplating a relationships, before they become a couple.

I say the same with, “For Young Women Only,” because younger women might be surprised to learn that what young men seem to want, and what they really want, are two very different things. So, I’m going to get straight to the point I want to make and leave reading the book up to you.

A man is not going to fulfil your life. Nope, if you are incomplete without a man, you will be just as incomplete with one. Not to mention you will be up for a lot of hurt if you think a man will complete you. In fact, there are young men, and older ones too, who prey on women who are vulnerable and insecure, because these are the women who will often give them what they want. And what many of them want is someone to make them feel good whether physically or emotionally.

If you have a boyfriend who needs you to be there for him whenever he needs you, yet doesn’t seem to realize you have needs, too, you’re probably wasting time in your relationship. Love is a two ways street. Treating a boyfriend with love and respect does not mean being everything he wants you to be, and doing everything he wants you to do.

Hold on to your self-respect and your virtues. If you do not respect yourself, no man is ever going to respect you. And part of your self-respect is remembering your body is just that, your own. It may seem old-fashioned and even prudish to say you should hold off on sex until you are married; but, I wish many times I had listened to that advice. However, the advice was not given to me as a way to preserve my emotional health, rather to adhere to some strict moral code.

Although today I may believe in that strict moral code; the fact is, I do understand wants and desires. The thing is, I also know that fulfilling those wants and desires for the wrong reasons, can be self-destructive to a person’s emotional health. A young woman should be emotionally strong and secure, and have an identity that is independent of any other person, before she is ready to share herself with a man.

I’m afraid to say most young women who have sex in their teens are not emotionally strong and independent. Most of the reasons they have sex in their teens proves that. Think about it as I describe just a few of the reasons young women choose to have sex:

To prove they love a young man. – Why do you have to prove you love him and not the other way around? Trust me, having sex won’t prove he loves you. It’s very different for a man. He does not need to be in love to have sex. In fact, if he were willing to hold off on sex until he married a women, he’d be proving he loved her far more than she would be proving she loved him by having sex with him just because it was what he wanted.

Because everyone is doing it. – You might be surprised to find not everyone is doing it. In fact, there is a growing number of young people today who are abstaining from sex. Even if the majority seems to be in favor of having sex, there is far more to be said about the person who does not follow the crowd. An independent person has a mind of their own and does not have to do what someone else dictates they should do.

Because it feels good. – No doubt about it, sex does feel good. However, when I was younger, someone told me a women doesn’t actually reach her peak of sexuality until they are in their mid to late thirties. I didn’t believe it then. Now that I’m on the back side of that number, I can say from experience it is true! Sex for a teen girl is often good because there is more emotional and mental satisfaction going on than physiological. In other words, she is telling herself it feels good.

I wish all of you could read the book, “For Young Women Only”, before you decide to have sex. However, the fact is, many of you may already be in a physical relationship, or have been. For you, all I can say is that it is never too late to take a good look at yourself and your reasons for having sex and reevaluate those reasons. If you are doing it for the wrong reasons, you may be heading for a long, painful journey. I have been there and I do not wish that on anyone.

If you are interested in more on this topic, you may find these books interesting reading: