ADD and ADHD parenting can be difficult. I struggled with explaining my rationale for time outs to my children when they were preadolescence.Being an ADD parent made it difficult to be consistent as I often became distracted after giving a direction to one of my children. Bedtimes were often late when they were quietly watching television or reading. I forgot they were still awake. I would often be hyper-focused on my photo editing or online college work.

I read a book that helped me gain control of my parenting skills and that I highly recommend for any parent of a child 2-12 years of age. The book titled Magic 1-2-3 by Dr. Thomas Phelan showed me I was talking too much when I gave my children a directive. I am not required to answer why I expect them to do something. If I ask, you to do something then do it.

I realized as I read the Magic 1-2-3 Book that I talked too much. I felt an innate need to make sure my children understood why they were ending up in a timeout. Soon it became apparent that this was my problem. When I send them to a timeout for hitting a sibling, they know why they are going to a timeout. I learned to talk less and say exactly what I mean. I tabled any discussion of why until after the time out commenced.

Children learn what they live. Some parents are yellers, and feel he or she must yell in order to get his or her point across or gain the attention of a child. I rarely need to yell when I am trying to get my child’s attention. I found my most effective parenting lesson happened when I simply acted in response to the situation at hand.

My ADHHHHHHD son was perhaps five or six when one night after dinner he received a time out and I told him to go to his room. After attempting to talk his way out of the timeout, and my holding up my open flat palm facing outward as a sign for him to stop, he stomped angrily down to his room, mumbling loudly his disagreement to my discipline method.

Once in his room he slammed his door shut. Then he opened it and slammed it again, and again, and again. About the fifth time he slammed his door I arose went to the kitchen, retrieved a hammer and a screwdriver from my junk drawer, and walked down the hallway to stand outside his door.

He had continued to slam his door while I did this and I was standing in front of his bedroom door as he opened it to slam it on more time, he froze when our eyes met. He immediately spied the hammer in my right hand. I personally think he thought he had simply sent his mom falling down Alice’s rabbit hole with his actions and that I was there to beat him to death with the hammer.

He asked me what I was doing there, and I simply said excuse me and guided him out of the way with my hand, closing the door behind us. I turned to the door and tapped off three different hinges. Are you going to throw my door out? He asked worriedly as I removed his door and walked out of his room. I said we will discuss this when your time out has ended.

I placed his door on the back enclosed porch and it remained in time out for almost 2 weeks. The night I replaced it on the hinges he had another time out. He stomped down to his room making noises about the unfairness of life. I almost said; do not slam your door, young man! I am so glad I did not. As he got to his room, he quickly and quietly closed his door and then continued to rustle loudly around his room for a few minutes.

He has only slammed his door once since that time, and it was when he was playing with his sister. He immediately apologized and I accepted that apology. He knows next time he may not get his door returned to him if he pulls that same trick again.

I have learned to listen, to be quiet when I need an answer, and to get him to stop unwanted behavior by counting 1-2-3 as I raise a finger with each new number. If I get to three, he has a consequence for the behavior I am trying to stop. I rarely get past two with either of my children.

Remember to say what you mean, and mean what you say when you talk to your children. If you are a parent, struggling with your child in gaining compliance on simple behavior and discipline strategy’s then perhaps Dr. Phelan and his Magic 1-2-3 book can help you.