School opens soon, and beyond those open welcoming doors lay a multitude of stresses that our sons will endure. Some may be warranted, some not. Each particular age group seems to have their very own tailor made set of stresses and worries. Its hard as a mom to try to get to the root of the problem at various ages. And if your son is good at keeping things within, then you are in for the job of your life trying to loosen the cork on his feelings and thoughts.

Be cautious in thinking that his troubles are small. They aren’t to him.
Boys have their own set of problems at school. Most problems will be age appropriate. You don’t have to feel its your own personal mission to dig deep and find out what is bothering him and feel like a failure when you can’t. And truly some problems just work themselves out. That’s great. Your son is on his way of developing problem solving skills. But if you need help, you have it from the school, to youth groups, to siblings. Many times you can get hints from others what seems to be the problem.

What are some of the problems?
At the elementary level it could be anything from the haircut you thought would look so cute on him, to his amusing lisp, to he feeling that he just doesn’t get it when it comes to academics. Is he being picked on by the other kids at school for no reason? Yes, that happens as well. Usually at this age, your son still confides in you. He will still cuddle and tell you his deepest secrets and hurts. That’s great! At least you have a starting point to work with in helping him through this. Whether its reasoning or something you can do at your end at home to help him out, that’s a start. If its something that the school needs to handle, then an appointment with either the principal or the guidance department can surely help you along.

On a middle school or Junior High level, things get a little trickier. Boys have a tendency to keep things to themselves. A lot of this is because they feel “stupid” for feeling this way. A middle school boy is so afraid of looking and acting foolish that they keep it all bottled up inside of them. Your dinner time conversation might help squeeze things out, but move along at his pace. If you try to force things out of him, most boys will just withdraw further. You know your son the best, follow your motherly instincts. Is he the kind of son you can walk into his room and say, “Is there something bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?”. I didn’t have that luxury with my sons at that age. Getting their problems out in the open was like pressing a turnip through a garlic press. Our deep conversations always came out when I was pretending to be busy at doing something else without eye to eye contact. It was when I was doing the laundry, mopping the floor, or loading the dishwasher. Sometimes I would have to call in the big guns. My husband would be made aware of his mood and I would send him in for questioning. It just might be a male thing that he would feel better discussing with another male. And an older brother is a big help for digging information out of a sibling. That can happen at a basketball court, washing the car or playing a video game. It seems as though as long as we don’t look directly into their eyes we can get some information about the troubling matter.

During the wonderful high school days, your son will have no problem telling you what is wrong. Everything and anything will be wrong and it will usually be somebody’s else’s fault! But there are many legitimate worries and concerns for a high school boy. Many of your son’s worries could be anything from making first chair trumpet to first string quarterback. It might be the pressure to share details of his last date to his group of friends. You taught him better than to do that, he knows its wrong, but they want a story. Pressures of smoking, drugs, alcohol, and other behavior that you spent years to warn against could be facing that sweet face you sent to kindergarten not too long ago. There are academic and life pressures on him as well. Don’t forget that he is getting pressure from his guidance department and teachers to do well and pick out his profession, his college, plan out his next fifty years of life. That’s not a simple task for any age.

Problem solving skills are full of options. What may work for you, may not work for me. And what may work for one son may not work for another son that you have. The same tactic may not work for your daughter that works for your son. You have resources to help you. Clergy, church youth group advisors, guidance departments at school, teachers, all of these people can help you with what might be troubling your son. It could be anything from academics, to social, to personal situations. But you know your son and with a little trial and error you can be your son’s sounding board and confidant when it comes to guiding him through life. Good luck!