We all know that when someone falls in love it will be forever and ever. This is the kind of love that will endure through thick and thin. Who needs money, we can live on love. Fairy tales in their heads, and moonbeams in their eyes just glistening as they look at you. Can’t you just see the pretty clear lights twinkling on ever branch as they look at you? Glimpses of silver outlines everything they touch.

O.K. reality hits. He has fallen in love. It doesn’t matter if he is five and his first love is in kindergarten or if he is seventeen and has fallen for the head cheerleader, the effect is the same. He has started to walk into walls, not paying attention to a word you say, daydreams, and looks lost. Yup, he’s in love. The only safe time you have is somewhere between second and fourth grade where he thinks girls have cooties and are stupid. Before that time and long after that time you are in for a rocky road.

And look what’s ahead, Valentine’s Day. He most likely will want to spend the money equivalent to what Donald Trump makes in a year. Remind him of his age and that the national debt has not been wiped out so yours cannot go any further either. Should we consider age appropriate gifts for the young lady? Don’t forget, if this is coming out of your wallet, you certainly have that right to a car wash or driveway being shoveled out, as the case may be. Perhaps the dishwasher could get loaded for a week or all the laundry folded. In any case, he needs to know that if he is going to purchase something it needs to be paid for one way or another.

Suppose your son is a teenager or a young man. He most likely has his own job. He will use his own money to purchase a present for his girl. Do you think you have the right to bring up in conversation what it might be? I would be very careful of this one, though. You could be headed into dangerous territory. Say your son who is anywhere from 17-20 and innocently sees a pretty ring that he knows his girl will love. You might want to explain to him the implications of presenting a ring to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day and what she might perceive it to mean.

I think it’s safe to say that the younger years will be ok with an extra lollipop attached to a paper Valentine card. As they get a little older, perhaps you should take a quick look at your jewelry box to make sure nothing is missing. Boys want to impress and how great this seventh grade girl would look in your diamond earrings. Surely your son would not know they are real and might mistake a family heirloom for costume jewelry.

And when this love ends, at any age, it’s devastating. We all know he is not going to marry his Jr. High sweetheart. Most likely he won’t marry his high school sweetheart. It’s just the law of averages. However, when that moment comes when the “forever lasting” couple comes to an end, it is going to be painful. Please don’t look at him and tell him that he will get over it. Please don’t tell him that this too shall pass. Please don’t tell him that there are other fish in the sea. He was with a goddess not a trout.

Your son, no matter what the age is going to need two ears, one shoulder and maybe lunch. How about making him a special after school snack? What about renting one of his favorite movies for him and sitting down and spending the evening with him. Perhaps you don’t want to see eyeballs splattering against the wall, but we can put up with it for one evening to let him know you care. Not much is needed to be said. Not much can be said. It’s ok for the routine questioning, for example, “What happened?” other than that, I wouldn’t pry too much.

He might feel it is his acne and we can get some facial cleanser. He might think it’s his hair, we can get a haircut. He might think he is stupid; we need to put a stop to that thinking. We also need to have him understand that anyone worth liking will like him for who he is, exactly how he is. He might not swallow that philosophy right away, but give him a day to think about that.
Remember when you were in love, countless times. It’s all very silly now but it was earth shattering then. Although he is a certain calendar age, take two years off of that for maturity. He might be 6’5” and 220 lbs, but if he is only 16, remember, he is only 16.

Don’t spare the hugs!