I know this sounds like a pretty strange title. But bear with me and see if I make sense in my reasoning. We as mothers, and even as parents, but definitely as mothers, have a tendency of being unreasonably loyal to our children in general, but definitely to our sons.

It is a bitter pill to swallow when your son’s kindergarten teacher claims that he is a bully. That uneasy feeling comes to your stomach when a teacher suggests that perhaps your son should be tested for ADHD or ADD. The phone rings and the number is the school’s, your son has just been suspended for swearing at the teacher. A note comes home with your son and it declares that he has detention, again. The principal called and wanted to explain to you why your son has been suspended and to please come and pick him up from the school office.

Then comes the trouble with his friends. The boy down the block has started to call your son names. The mother of a boy in school says that she doesn’t want her son to hang out with your son. Your son got in a fight because the students were making fun of him. You watch your son cry because he is lonely. You watch the other boy’s ride down the street on their bikes past your son. They don’t ask him to go with him.

Girls. The pain and hurt with girls. You have watched your son moon over a girl for weeks. They finally go on a date and she doesn’t want anything more to do with him. Your son has dated a young lady for two years and they are at the age where they could get serious. She breaks up with him. He is crushed.
I am not suggesting that all of these things have happened or will happen to your son. But if life is normal for him, then a few of these things will creep into his life. It will be an unhappy affair when it does.

So what do we do as mothers? Do we immediately find that the teacher is wrong in her accusations about our bullying son? Do we think that our son is just daydreaming instead of being a candidate for ADD? When the principal calls do you scold her for not being fair and asked what the teacher did to make him cuss? What about the mother who won’t let your son play with hers? Is she a snob? Are you glad because they aren’t the kind of family you want your son to associate with anyway? What about those mean boys who won’t play with your son? Are they a bad influence on him and he is better off playing with someone else? Or that girl who broke your son’s heart, what about her? She wasn’t good enough for him anyway, was she?

We as mothers can make an awful lot of excuses for our sons. We want to think that he is perfect in every way. He is still the young sweet thing running around in his diaper with the smile that would melt your heart every time he did something wrong and got caught. Don’t panic, he is still that same son. Something along the way has made him angry and it’s your job to pick the time to find out what it is, or let it ride because he will grow out of this stage.
As far as being hostile and violent, immediate action is required there. Whether it is the other boy’s fault or your son’s, the violence, bullying, and name calling has to stop. There are many situations that could be bothering your son. In one of the upcoming pieces I will go more in to detail about those possible reasons. There is also one in located in archives already about possible reasons for violent behavior.

The point I want to make is to listen to all sides of the story. Your son is not always going to be right, no matter how much that may hurt. On the other hand, your son will not always be wrong either. Schools can only comment on what they actually see. If someone else goaded your son into punching someone else and an adult sees him doing the punching, right or wrong, he is going to get punished. It has to be up to you at home to find out exactly what happened. When you find out that he indeed punched that boy, but for a good reason (in his mind), then call the principal, let he/she know what happened and that you understand that your son has to be punished. But for the record you wanted to tell the principal exactly what happened.
You should always love your son, but you can’t always stand by him and protect him when he has done something wrong. As much as you want to, it is only fair that he shoulders his responsibility . . . at any age.

Be Blessed