“Responsibility means doing what we are suppose to do, even when no one is watching you”. Those are the words of a very intelligent young man, my ADHD son. We had been having a family discussion about the fact that both children and adults have daily responsibilities. We also discussed that children and even grownups have difficulty being responsible sometimes. However when we are make a bad choice, as everyone will make them throughout his or her life, but in the end we must accept full responsibility for our personal actions.

Yes ADD people have certain characteristics like distractibility, and impulsivity that can make it easy to become wrapped up in the situation, become stimulated and start acting silly as we are getting carried away by the situation. Actions are a conscious choice, and if we do something we know is wrong to try to say it was my impulsivity because I am ADD. It is never acceptable to blame the ADD or ADHD for choices you made and actions you took.

Part of owning up to our mistakes means we do not try to forgo or place blame anywhere else but with ourselves. This is called taking personal accountability for our actions. I frequently hear “but you said walk the dog”…and yes I did, “but you chose to go down to the park and meet your boyfriend without telling anyone” and that is not safe behavior. In actuality almost no one can make us do something we do not wish to do without using physical force or using a threat or weapon.

It is never acceptable to use a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD as an excuse for bad behavior or poor choices. Nor is it acceptable to use ADD or ADHD as an excuse to do something we would not do normally choose to do. When ADD people are feeling impulsive it is time to take a breather and imagine a stop sign and tell ourselves. Stop, think and listen to our heart and make the right choice. One way to slow down impulsive thoughts is to imagine a stop sign in front of us to trigger our mind to say stop.

If we make a poor choice we need to own up to that decision, and do it honestly, without trying to cover up our mistake. Next we find out how our decision affected others and we make amends if possible and accept the natural consequences. The natural consequences show us where we go wrong and that next time perhaps we need to stop and think through our actions before we make a choice or do something we shouldn’t do in the first place.

Along with responsibility and doing the right thing is a sense of trust. If I know my child is doing the right thing even when he or she was not being watched like a hawk, then I know I can trust him to continue to make those choices. In the end my son earns my trust and a little more freedom to venture out into the world by being personally accountable for his own actions.

Finally as most parents will tell children, you have my trust, but if you lose it trust is very hard to get back. It is better to not lose trust in the first place and as each child grows older the trust between child and parent will grow stronger. You learn to trust people, who hold themselves accountable for his or her actions when no one is watching them, but they simply choose to make the correct choices and if he or she makes a mistake then he or she apologizes for their part. When you earn trust, you earn respect and that is a good start to being an independent, dependable and trustworthy.