Guest Author - Marie Stroughter

My oldest son turned nine earlier this week, and for the first time in his life, did not request toys on his gift list. He wanted a custom skateboard and an MP3 player. My son is going from child to full-fledged �tween!

A �tween is defined as one in between childhood and the teenage years. Some state the ages of �tweendom� to be 8 to 12; with some being a little more stringent, only conceding those 10-12 years old.

I think it has more to do with actions, than age. As described above, my son is slowly growing out of kiddie toys. He�s more conscious of his appearance. He�s beginning to show some of the tell-tale signs of adolescence, like the need for daily deodorant.

He�s been trying to navigate independent relationships on his own, yet still needs some guidance. He has a male friend a few years older than he is, and they often disagree about things, yet claim to be the closest of friends! He�s trying to work out the �give and take� of these friendships when outside of the close scrutiny of parents; as parents begin to lax their �eagle eyes� on every single thing, and allow a bit of freedom and independence.

At the same time, to show the �in-betweeness� of it all, he is still very cuddly and affectionate. He asks to have �Cuddle Time� with me, and is very generous with hugs, kisses and saying �I love you� without embarrassment.

How to manage this transition?

Make sure he knows the lines of communication are open: Let him know you are aware that he is struggling to take steps toward greater independence and that you are there as needed, to be a sounding board, or whatever he needs.

Take cues from your son: He will set the pace. He may brush off affection, or be gruff at times. He may also �try on� different personas, to see �who he is.� Boys really want to fit in and not get labeled a kid or, or worst of all, not be considered cool.

Agree on ground rules: There are some things I have to do for my son�s safety, and those are �non-negotiables.� Beyond that, we can set up some things that allow him independence, and allow him to navigate issues on his own.

Realize that hormones will kick in soon, and you�ll wonder who exactly this kid is that you�re dealing with! Remember that hormones are powerful, and while I�m not advising you give a �free pass� on bad behavior, you have to choose your battles wisely knowing that sometimes it�s growth hormone and not �guff� you�re getting!

Also know that some of these things will change and need to be renegotiated as your son becomes more independent, or if he indicates he needs more guidance.

It�s an exciting journey, to be sure, and a little bittersweet at the same time, as you see your son bidding farewell to his early childhood.