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Michele Thomas
BellaOnline's Sons Editor

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Managing the Transition from Kid to 'Tween
Guest Author - Marie Stroughter

My oldest son turned nine earlier this week, and for the first time in his life, did not request toys on his gift list. He wanted a custom skateboard and an MP3 player. My son is going from child to full-fledged �tween!

A �tween is defined as one in between childhood and the teenage years. Some state the ages of �tweendom� to be 8 to 12; with some being a little more stringent, only conceding those 10-12 years old.

I think it has more to do with actions, than age. As described above, my son is slowly growing out of kiddie toys. He�s more conscious of his appearance. He�s beginning to show some of the tell-tale signs of adolescence, like the need for daily deodorant.

He�s been trying to navigate independent relationships on his own, yet still needs some guidance. He has a male friend a few years older than he is, and they often disagree about things, yet claim to be the closest of friends! He�s trying to work out the �give and take� of these friendships when outside of the close scrutiny of parents; as parents begin to lax their �eagle eyes� on every single thing, and allow a bit of freedom and independence.

At the same time, to show the �in-betweeness� of it all, he is still very cuddly and affectionate. He asks to have �Cuddle Time� with me, and is very generous with hugs, kisses and saying �I love you� without embarrassment.

How to manage this transition?

Make sure he knows the lines of communication are open: Let him know you are aware that he is struggling to take steps toward greater independence and that you are there as needed, to be a sounding board, or whatever he needs.

Take cues from your son: He will set the pace. He may brush off affection, or be gruff at times. He may also �try on� different personas, to see �who he is.� Boys really want to fit in and not get labeled a kid or, or worst of all, not be considered cool.

Agree on ground rules: There are some things I have to do for my son�s safety, and those are �non-negotiables.� Beyond that, we can set up some things that allow him independence, and allow him to navigate issues on his own.

Realize that hormones will kick in soon, and you�ll wonder who exactly this kid is that you�re dealing with! Remember that hormones are powerful, and while I�m not advising you give a �free pass� on bad behavior, you have to choose your battles wisely knowing that sometimes it�s growth hormone and not �guff� you�re getting!

Also know that some of these things will change and need to be renegotiated as your son becomes more independent, or if he indicates he needs more guidance.

It�s an exciting journey, to be sure, and a little bittersweet at the same time, as you see your son bidding farewell to his early childhood.


Surviving Your Son's Teenage Years
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Content copyright © 2009 by Marie Stroughter. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Marie Stroughter. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Michele Thomas for details.

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