Guest Author - Brandii Lacey
I recently read an article about a woman who pursued single motherhood through a sperm bank that matches donors (some anonymous and some with open identities) with moms-to-be. After a long term relationship ended, she decided her dreams of becoming a Mom didn’t have to end as well. In the article, she talked about the process, and about the research along the way. She now has a healthy baby girl, and couldn’t be happier.
The story was, quite honestly, a very nice one about a woman going after her dreams of having a family. Except for one part--she said in the article that adoption was unpredictable and not welcoming to single parents, though it was a "Plan B" option.
Let’s start with the “Plan B” comment, that came right after two negative comments were made about adoption. On one hand, it’s not unusual to use the terms "Plan A" or "Plan B" when talking about creating a family, as many look to different options when trying to create their families.
On the other hand, if “Plan B” is said in front of a child that’s adopted, the child may think of “Plan B” as second choice or last choice. While no ill intent is meant by people calling adoption “Plan B”, the fact is that child has probably heard the term “Plan B” or “infertility struggles” more often than not. Remember, kids pick up on everything said between Moms, Dads and their friends, even when they look to be busy playing.
Moving on to the second comment about adoption not being friendly to single parents, nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, there are obstacles as discussed in last week’s article. However, trying to pick a sperm donor based on physical, psychological, educational statistics and audio interviews(as mentioned in the article) doesn’t seem to be the most obstacle free route either. In addition, it seems that both processes may be unpredictable, otherwise why take advantage of a "sperm bank special" (also mentioned in the article).
I’m not saying adoption is the better way—but I am saying if you are deciding between having a child through a sperm bank donor or having a child through adoption, please do your research. All I could think when I read the 'single parent' statement was the large number of single parents who have adopted, both here in the United States and abroad. I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with many of them since becoming the editor of this site.
Singles pursuing parenthood in ways other than adoption shouldn’t feel like they have to mention adoption when trying to create their family—after all, it’s their decision. But please don’t throw in a blanket statement about adoption that may not be 100 percent accurate just because it's not your "Plan A" option. For many single parents, adoption was their plan, and they couldn't be happier.
Please fee free to visit the Adoption forum and share your thoughts about this subject!