Guest Author - Lisa Shea

I still remember the very first time I asked a guy out. I was a freshman in high school, on the volleyball team, and us girls were all on the bus in uniform after a game. Sitting on a motorcycle in front of the school, talking to one of his friends, was one of the COOLEST looking guys I have ever seen. He was handsome, friendly looking, and was having a lot of fun just hanging out with his friend. We were all watching the two of them. Then some of the seniors dared me (because I was the youngest) to go ask him out. I was really scared but they all started hounding me, so I agreed. I got off the bus and walked that long walk over to the motorcycle, with a busload of eyeballs pinned on me.

I got up to him and he smiled down at me. I said nervously, "Want to go on a date?" He smiled even more widely and said, "I'm afraid I'm busy, but maybe some other time." I practically ran back to the bus, and looking back I'm really glad he was so sweet about it.

This obviously is the WRONG way to try to ask someone to go on a date! :) But just how do you go about it?

First, the BEST person to start to get romantically involved with is someone that you're already good friends with. That is, a great friendship is really necessary for a great relationship. You should really enjoy each other's company, spending time together, doing things together. That's the whole reason you're a couple, right? So start with that whole mentality. This person is someone you want to be friends with, to get to know better.

So start out like you would with any other friend. Learn about the things they like. If she loves horses, get a book on horses and learn about them too. Ask her questions about them. People who love a topic love to talk about the topic. If she adores pintos she probably could talk to you about them for hours and hours. If he loves Mustangs, read up on Mustangs and ask him about the differences between the 1960s and the 1970s. You'll learn something in the process, and the more time you spend together, the better your friendship!

People always ask "What do we talk about". There's no magic formula - "talk about snowflakes" or "talk about the weather". Best friends talk about things they are *interested* in. Find out what this person's interests are, and talk about them! I put together a Page on Learning to Talk Together if you need more help.

Once you're on speaking terms, and are comfortable talking to each other, then the next step of talking about going to see a movie that you're both interested in is pretty natural. You both take Spanish and like Spanish? You suggest you go see a Spanish movie when it comes around. You're both huge chocolate fans? You say that Chocolat is in town and wouldn't it be fun! It's far less stressful when it's a common interest, and you're both already used to talking about the topic.

Now that you're doing things together, step the emotional side up a notch. Friends hug each other hello and goodbye. So you're already doing that, right? If not, start it up. If you are, then now give that hug with a soft kiss on the cheek. When you're walking, loan her your jacket or ask him to borrow his. The more you do these small things, the more "normal" it will be, and soon enough, the dates will be of the boyfriend-girlfriend variety.

Take it in stages, and it all works out easily!