When an infant or older child is diagnosed with a developmental disability or other condition, fathers often respond to the information differently than the mother of their child.

Finding out that a child has a diagnosis might mean that a father falters in picturing a future where his son or daughter can participate in the simplest pastimes he previously anticipated.

It might mean that he goes about readjusting his expectations in a businesslike way, starts researching the topic and finding resources, or just makes a deal with his child that they will get through the toughest challenges together. Having a child with a disability brings some families closer, and others that were on the way to falling apart continue in that direction.

Every father has a unique reaction to the news and the reality of his son or daughter's diagnosis. It probably will be different than his child's mother's response, or if it is similar the timing of his feelings and reactions will not be in sync with hers.

If the child with a diagnosis is a first born or only child, it might be difficult to tell what to attribute to the diagnosis and what is age appropriate unsettling behavior. How can we give fathers of children with special needs an edge?

When a baby or child in the family is diagnosed, fathers often get information second hand. They may not have the natural support systems that women find, and may actually be relegated to the status of 'extended family' in early intervention and therapy programs for their children.

A fathers activity program helps men feel more comfortable with their own style of parenting, and teaches them skills they need to communicate and support their child with special needs as well as mainstream or 'nda' (not diagnosed with anything) sons or daughters. Taking the children to fathers program activities builds stronger bonds between them, and of course gives moms or other caregivers a break. Fathers programs often invite speakers who are experts with information, resources and support. Fathers who participate are powerful voices in their children's education, therapy, and recreation, and build better opportunities in their community.

In single parent households where the mother is the only caregiver, grandfathers and uncles often step in to fill the very important role of a father would play.

Fathers, grandfathers, uncles and brothers often have less access to support and information than mothers. But when a system is set up to support fathers, access to the most up to date and accurate information increases for the whole family.

This Fathers Day, let us celebrate the contributions our children's fathers or substitute fathers provide in the lives of our children. These resources may be helpful for dads of children with special needs.

Family Village Project Resources for Fathers
http://www.familyvillage.wisc.edu

National Father's Network
www.fathersnetwork.org

Down's With The Kids: Stan's Dad's blog
http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/lifefiles

Question and Answer Exchange with Greg Palmer author of Adventures in the Mainstream, Coming of Age with Down Syndrome

Dad's Admiration Makes Strong Bond with Daughter
NPR Story Corps Booth in Kansas City Mo
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6594348&sc=emaf

Fathers Research Study: Children with Diabetes
childrenwithdiabetes.com

I'm Not a Saint, Just a Parent newspaper article by Simon Barnes, excerpted from a soon to be released book by the UK Mencap organization
http://www.timesonline.co.uk

Helping Parents Cope with a high risk birth - Terror, Grief, Impotence and Anger by Michael T. Hynan, Ph.D.

Riverbend DS Group Website
Daddy's Brightest Star

Dr. Len Leshin, Father of Avi
http://www.ds-health.com

Family Village Project Resources for Grandparents

Browse at your local bookstore, public library or at online booksellers like Amazon.com for books like Just Dads: Nerves of Steel, Wills of Iron, Hearts of Pudding - (Hardcover)