Guest Author - Karen Huber
After reading the stories in this book, it seems that we are a cheating culture. Examples of cheating celebrities underline this point. After reading the stories in this book, we seem to be a cheating culture. With the advent of technology, it has become even easier to cheat. The purpose of this book is to provide in-depth methods of detecting and preventing cheating. It also provides advice on when to move on from a relationship. Listed are numerous quizzes, cheater excuses, and real-life stories throughout the book. The stories were enjoyable and lent a human component to the otherwise sordid business of cheating. I found myself wondering who would have the time to go to such lengths to uncover a cheater, but the suggested methods were detailed and thorough. There should have been more advice on checking the legality of some of the methods as some are not legal in parts of the U.S.
There was some repetition from chapter to chapter in some of the method descriptions, and I think a few warnings in the chapters themselves would have warranted regarding violent cheaters. This is covered in a later chapter. It is not always that easy to leave someone violent, but the authors do list methods and places to get help if this is the case. I also think a chapter should have been devoted to seeking counseling. Many couples go to counseling, but some battered women need more in-depth help.
That being said, there are quizzes to help understand if a marriage or relationship is salvageable and how to make a relationship “affair proof.” The advice was full of good ideas, but again I wondered who would have the time or emotional energy to think constantly about a relationship. I got the impression that having a relationship could be a full-time job. The chapter about moving on after a break up is excellent, bull of great ideas like traveling, taking up a dream hobby, having a support group. These tips could be used after a traumatic life event of any kind just as the methods outlined could be used to catch any type of cheater, such as someone who is suspected of stealing at work, someone suspected of using drugs, or someone suspected of any type of illegal activity. This book also gives a perspective on all types of relationships: married, unmarried, straight, or gay. It seems to cover every aspect and nuance of cheating in down-to-earth language, covers modern technology methods of detection, and the Internet-style of cheating in terms almost everyone can understand.
Frey and Alexander also talk about setting limits, what an individual considers cheating, and ways to convey this to a partner. For instance, is an emotional infatuation or an online romance without physical contact cheating? I think most people would consider it so, or at least a strong warning sign that there are problems within the relationship. They give advice and of course a quiz to help decide. They mention four types of cheaters: physical, companion, emotional, and combination; and present a quiz and clues to watch for.
According to the book, a little over fifty percent of men cheat, for different reasons than women. The good news is that many relationships can be saved with some effort and discipline. Relationships take discipline, which cheaters lack. Both partners must be willing to buckle down and work hard at understanding and communicating with each other.
I really liked the appendix on Resources at the end of the book, which lists web sites and phone numbers of organizations for catching a cheater, getting help for abuse, and general infidelity resources. This book was a fast, interesting read and was comprehensive in its creative detection ideas. I was fortunate to get a free copy from the publisher to review. It can be used as a prime resource for anyone serious about catching any type of cheater and for anyone wanting to save or better their relationship. There is an entire chapter dedicated to specific relationship problems and their solutions. Suspect a cheater in your life? Go get this book. Chances are that you will catch him with one or several of the many techniques listed.