Guest Author - Pam Garlick

My husband and I went for a walk with my six year old granddaughter, Rachel, this evening and I think we wore her out. Actually, we wore out our dogs, Skippy and Shadow, too. Now, that I’d expected, the old fellas are not in good shape. However, I expected her to have more stamina than us.

That got me thinking of a time long ago when I’d decided to go for a long walk. I was probably not much older than my granddaughter. Certainly not more than eight. I was a bit overweight and not in good shape, but I thought I was holding up pretty fairly well. Of course, I was more than a little worried that I wouldn’t get home before dark.

You see, it was right after children’s choir rehearsal at our church. My father would take me each week, because Mom couldn’t drive. Then while I was in rehearsal he would lay down on the back seat of the car and take a nap.

For some reason that week, when I went outside and saw him sleeping so soundly, I thought it would be better if I left him sleep. I felt more than a a little anixiety that he wasn't getting enough rest. After all, I knew he worked hard. I honestly thought I was doing him a favor. I saw myself as a bit of a heroine.

I had probably gone a little over a mile, or at least it seemed that. Not near half the distance I needed to go. Anyway, someone from church drove by and saw me, so they stopped, backed up, and asked me if I needed a ride.

“No thank you,” I replied. I don’t remember if they said anything else, or if I offered any more information. I just remember trudging onward toward home.

It wasn’t too much after that another car pulled up beside me. A familiar black and white Plymouth. It was my dad. And boy was he mad!

You know I still can’t remember what he said to me. Or, if he just gave me the silent treatment. Dad wasn’t good about correcting me. He was usually too emotional. Looking back, I’m sure he was quite emotional that night. He was probably choking down quite a few words a child should not hear.

Still, what I remember most was what my mother said. She informed me that I’d been very thoughtless. That wasn’t her exact words, but I got the point.

“Do you realize your father could have frozen to death in the back of the car,” she’d said.

That stuck with me. I was ashamed of myself. I might have killed my father.

It never occurred to me that Dad would spend the entire night sleeping in the car. I figured he’d wake up at some point and then drive home. But at least he’d have had uninterrupted sleep. Neither did I even consider how worried my mother would have been when I walked in the door without him.

I’ve never again discussed that night with my parents. I wonder how much of my memory is tarnished by years of neglect. Perhaps I should have pulled it out and reviewed it more often. I might have remembered something that my current memory can’t retrieve. Like, their concern for me if someone had come along and picked me up.

Then again, maybe people didn’t think about those things back then. They were safer times, I’m sure. Times when a child could walk a long distance without fear. Or, maybe people just didn’t talk about it to their children. I know I certainly didn’t know. I walked my little feet off, without a fear in the world – other than hoping I beat the darkness – just wanting to let my father get some much-needed rest.

Oh that was just one of many of my hair-brained ideas that helped turn my parents’ hair gray. I wasn’t an easy child or adolescent. But perhaps it puts a different perspective on things as I look back on it. How many times do we fail to take the time to ask our children what in life might be bothering them? To let them know that no matter how big or small the thing might be, we are always there for them.

I’m not ridiculing my parents, but perhaps if I’d been asked that question, I might have told them I was concerned that my father was too tired and shouldn’t be driving me to choir practice. They might have explained that although he was tired, he was never too tired to do something for his daughter, and that the nap in the car was all he needed to carry him over until bedtime.

Yes, the assurance that everything will be fine, can be very important to a young child. As parents we all should try to remember that.

Here are some books that might help someone better communicate with their child.