For too many of us, life revolves around the achievement of some defined “outcome” (what will happen or what we want to happen). We hold tight to the belief that we can’t be happy until we obtain/complete/accomplish some particular object or objective. We put our well-being on layaway, as though we must make a series of payments before we can have what we want.

I can’t blame anyone for buying in to the conviction that happiness always lies just out of reach in some hazy, distant future. After all, our society’s values promote ambition, consumption, and measurable results. We’re expected to have the right car, clothes, job, degree, and friends. And if you don’t have these things, you’d better get them; otherwise, you’re nothing. By these standards, worrying and caring less about outcomes might seem counterintuitive. Irresponsible. Or just naïve.

I’m not suggesting that we relinquish all worldly possessions or act without any concern for the future. It’s just that while goals and direction are valuable, too much emphasis on the outcome diminishes mindfulness and creates unnecessary stress. In particular, excessive focus on outcomes breeds two unwanted conditions: (1) fixation on the future and (2) energy wasted on trying to control things that are beyond our control.

First, obsession with outcomes keeps us locked in the future, blind to the wonders of the present moment. If we place happiness on hold while we endeavor to improve ourselves or our situations, it might just stay on hold forever. It’s great to have goals, dreams, and a vision of your ideal life. But it’s equally important to appreciate who we already are, what we already have, and the process of change and personal evolution.

Second, obsession with an intended outcome supports the illusion that we can control how things turn out. That unrealistic expectation results in massive disappointment, frustration, anxiety, and anger when things vary from our plans and expectations.

Sometimes this is evident in situations, such as when people grumble, pout, and rage at things that don’t go their way. Examples you might recognize include being irritated by a long grocery checkout line or feeling resentful when someone slips into the parking space you had your eye on.

Other times, the illusion of control contaminates relationships in the form of conditional love, so that we reward someone with love and affection only when they behave according to our ideals and preferences. This includes all the “shoulds” we impose on ourselves and people in our lives.

I use a couple of simple techniques to help myself let go of this emphasis on controlling outcomes. One is to stop everything and breathe deeply for three or four breaths. This is often enough to return my focus to the moment—and it releases tension and calms my heart rate. The other strategy is to redirect attention from what I don’t like about the situation to something positive. For example, I mentally list five things I’m grateful for; or I repeat an affirmative phrase like “I am peaceful and serene.” I get the best results when I combine these strategies so they function as a mini-meditation break.

As we learn to let go of outcomes, we become more accepting of our lives and the people in it. With acceptance comes presence, peace, and a more relaxed state of mind.

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If you want to try a guided meditation for letting go, I love “Letting Go” from Meditation Oasis. Click the link to go to their website, where you can purchase the track on CD or listen to it for free by clicking the podcast link on the home page.

You also can listen to and download all the Meditation Oasis podcasts free at