There is an assumption that when we ask this question of someone that they answer it as if their life is just fine. Now think of a person whose life has been turned upside down. Their child has died. How do they answer this?

It’s summer time and I watch my 6 year old learn to swim down to retrieve a diving bar. A simple task to some but for us, it is a monumental reminder that she can breathe and her 8 year old sister could not. It is a tribute to the strength of her sister who kept going even when it was so hard.

We can think of so many questions to ask ourselves why we didn’t do more to prevent our child’s death. We can very often ask these questions and blame ourselves for what has happened.

My surviving daughter has only known life with her big sister. Her big sister was her life’s buffer and safety net. Her big sister was a playmate, a confidante, a best friend, a late night bad dream soother. What must it be like for a surviving sibling? And how can we, her parents help her?

For anyone who’s lost a child, it is nearly impossible to fathom that life moves forward. It’s not plausible that daily routines and events can continue on without our son or daughter. But the world does move forward; it does continue on and inevitably we are faced with moving with it.

I have felt and understood the meaning of this phrase many times, in both good and not so good stages of life. But never have these words had a more profound meaning than now as I try to carry on living without my daughter. Living in the moment has become a necessity to survive.

Last week, I caved. I compromised my goals in order to keep my sanity. This week I can write about it.

Am I on the “right” track with my grieving process or am I so far gone in my thinking that I will never survive this? Do others feel the same or am I alone in my grief? Should I reach out for support?

Am I crazy to contemplate leaving this life to be with my deceased child? Is it normal to think about taking my own life so that I might find my dear daughter and be together again? Is it ok to want to leave this world to be with her in her new world? If I leave this place, will the pain go away?

My pain is worse than anyone can imagine. How can I possibly feel compassion toward their loss? Learning to identify, not compare, the pain of losing a loved one.