People First language developed to show respect for individuals with disabilities to recognize the whole person, rather than the symptoms or diagnosis of any particular challenge in their lives. Many wonderful individuals in your family, circle of friends, and in your local community will use terminology that does not reflect these changes.

Using people first language is simply placing the descriptor after the person, and identifying a diagnosis as being 'with' a person rather than an individual 'being' the diagnosis. Medical and educational professionals may have difficulty practicing respectful language due to habits developed during their training, education and work experience.

Since most children who have disabilities are born into families where no one else has their diagnosis, we all need to learn how growing up with a disability or chronic health condition affects them culturally. While we often worry about the disability's effects on our sons and daughters, we rarely realize how our behaviors and attitudes may add challenges that would not otherwise affect them.

Referring to your child as being your 'son who has Spina Bifida', or your 'daughter with Down syndrome' is a simple change that reminds others that the diagnosis is just a small part of your child's identity. It is also better to say "My son has a learning disability" or "My daughter has dyslexia" than "He is learning disabled" or "She is dyslexic."

For people who use wheelchairs to get out and about in their communities, the phrase 'wheelchair bound' is absurd; without the wheelchair their options would truly be limited. 'Afflicted' is another word that is often used inappropriately, and 'suffering from' adds drama where it often does not exist. Teenagers are afflicted with parents; children with disabilities may be suffering from worthless or inadequate IEPs.

Children with disabilities suffer from and are afflicted by the same problems as mainstream children - parents who don't give them everything they want all the time, or certain popular items immediately; who offer well balanced meals instead of candy, desserts, and chips. Often, the only cure for this is having grandparents who spoil them. Children with disabilities are often afflicted by inappropriate educational and support plans that set them apart from their mainstream peers, or supposedly 'favored' treatment that does them no good and could only cause resentment from classmates' parents.

Some words and phrases that are very easy to use because we have heard them so often just reflect outdated perspectives; others are insulting or inappropriate to use. Many fit into both categories. Bullies at school and favorite relatives may both use terms that are equally derogatory or hurtful when heard by our children.

I will never forget the first time I saw my son flinch when he heard a word in casual conversation that we now categorize as hate language. He was so young, I could not imagine where he had heard the word used in a such a personal, hurtful way. He had barely passed toddlerhood.

Recognizing hurtful or patronizing language is often the first step; becoming aware of respectful language is too often the second. Many parents who would not dream of using racial slurs or practicing ethnic discrimination are unaware that certain words and ways of speaking about people with disabilities is hateful or disrespectul.

What can we do to educate others and promote the use of People First and respectful language?

If you are uncomfortable at home, work or school responding to the casual use of terms that are offensive to you but mean nothing to the speaker, you might want to have business sized cards printed up. For instance, at work they can be made up to say:

"Certain words are offensive to people who love someone with a developmental disability. Please be sensitive to the diversity of our work community and don't use those words around me."

Adding the web page address of this article,
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art33981.asp
may give those who are motivated a place to start in understanding the power of their language choices.

It might help to have a stack of these on your desk, pinning one up on your employee bulletin board, and asking that it be included in the company newsletter, perhaps with a picture or an article that describes your feelings about your child.

Most people do not realize that these terms are offensive, and will explain that they certainly would not refer to a person with a disability with that language. Explaining simply that hearing that term hurts you, no matter how it is used, could be enough to cause them to think about it later.

Resistance to the use of People First language is a often a sign that individuals are unaware of the power of language to discriminate, or to discourage and deny the contributions each person can make in the world. Allow them time to consider your perspective and make their own decisions.

They may have too much going on in their own personal lives to give enough attention to this to make a difference immediately. Some people will do better immediately upon learning better, but most of us take time, support and repetition to build changes into our lives. This is equally true for your child's classmates, cousins and siblings. Many important people in your child's life may be unable to make the change, but will contribute tremendously to your child's richness of experience and quality of life.

Attributes of inclusive communities are available from several sources, and have a great deal in common with strategies for character building and best practices in education. It's all about respect and the dignity of choice in how we wish to be addressed.

Browse at your local bookstore, public library, or online retailer for books about Advocacy and Self Advocacy
Browse at your local bookstore, public library or online retailer for this fascinating book: including Gifts 2: How People with Down Syndrome Enrich the World, and or its companion, Gifts: Mothers Reflect on How Children with Down Syndrome Enrich Their Lives.

To read more about this perspective, see:

People First Language Sensitivity
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art14410.asp

Us and Them - by Mayer Shevin
http://shevin.org/articles-usthem.html

Thoughts from the Middle of the Night
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art32533.asp

BBC - OUCH! Blog - The Whole 'Special' Thing
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/ouch/200803/the_whole_special_thing.html

Miss Conduct, Robin Abrahams
When Words Hurt
http://www.boston.com/news/globe/magazine/articles/2007/03/18/miss_conduct

The Hierarchy of Insults - DisabilityIsNatural.com

People with Down syndrome Can Speak for Themselves

NDSC Public Awareness Language Guidelines

In Spite of My Disability
http://www.normemma.com

Is Diversity Like A New Box of Crayons?
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art5144.asp

Katie Couric Video-editorial on Hate Language
http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=2547964n