Guest Author - Pam Garlick

Although in my previous article I said every child is different and what works for one may not work for another, I am going to offer some tips anyway. Tips I believe may be a help to parents as they struggle to raise their children without a set of written instructions.

1. Love your children unconditionally! You do not have to accept their actions or behaviors unconditionally, but you must always love them.

2. Be consistent. Don’t let your children play in the mud in their good shoes one day, then beat them for doing it the next day. That example is extreme. I don’t suggest beating them for anything. But I do believe you need to be consistent as a parent/s raising children.

3. Stick together. Children will divide to conquer. They will play one against the other. This can be mothers against fathers or parents against grandparents. Those darlings can be demons in disguise, with one goal, getting what they want at all cost. So, stick together and agree on what your children can and cannot do.

4. Be strong. I mean this in every aspect of your life. Be strong physically and emotionally. If you have a weakness, it will adversely influence your child in one way or another. If you need help, get it. It helps to have a support group. Children will push their limits. Some will drive their parents to the brink. Children see that brink as the place where they get what they want. They do not see it as a place that could cause them harm whether it be physically or emotionally.

5. Spend time with them. I’m not going to say quality versus quantity. Only you will know if you are able to spend a lot of time with your children. Work demands so much of everyone. But make your children the number one priority in your life. They need you more than they need any one thing you can buy them, short of their basic needs. If you are spending more time going out with friends, on a hobby, or whatever it may be, than you are spending with them, reevaluate your priorities.

6. Give them space. Not a contradiction to what I have written above. Children do need time to be kids. Time to be creative. Time to learn who they are without someone guiding them. They will always need you, but the older they get, the more time they will need to grow into the people they are going to be. But while they are doing this, be close at hand to offer support and guidance when they need it.

7. Children need to socialize with other people of all ages. If they do not have siblings, they need to be around younger and/or older children to learn how to interact. If they do not have grandparents they need that love that comes from someone older than dirt, or at least older than their parents. School and church is a good place to find these people.

8. Children need respect. The best way they will learn respect is by seeing an example of it set by their parents. Respect one another and respect others. And respect your children. Again, that does not mean accepting unacceptable behaviors, it just means demonstrating the same kind words and actions you want them to demonstrate to you.

9. Discipline with love to the level of their understanding. The first discipline they will learn is the word “no”. And the first word some of them will learn to misuse is the word “no”. So try using a positive reinforcement like exchanging a good behavior for a bad before using that word. An example may be when they are touching something they should not, give them something else that they can touch. And keep doing it over and over again until they get the point you are trying to make. Children have the uncanny knack of trying to figure out why you say “no”, “don’t”, or any one of those words that keep them from doing what they want. They are naturally curious. “No” only raises that curiosity. There will be plenty of opportunities for time outs and grounding as they grow and test their limits further, start with the basics first.

10. Love them unconditionally. I know I said that. But I’m saying it again.

As I said, you can take any advice I’ve given, or you can leave it. I just wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned while reaching the point where my grandkids think I’m older than dirt.