logo
g Text Version
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies

dailyclick
Bored? Games!
Nutrition
Postcards
Take a Quiz
Rate My Photo

new
Bible Basics
Houseplants
Romance Movies
Creativity
Family Travel
Southwest USA
Irish Culture


dailyclick
All times in EST

Full Schedule
g
g Life Coaching Site

BellaOnline's Life Coaching Editor

g

Negative Thought Patterns


Last week I was happily typing away on the computer making headway with a work-at-home assignment I’d just landed with a local community based organization, when my cell phone rang. The caller was the nurse from my daughter’s school. As soon as she identified herself, my heart filled with fear. She was calling to tell me that my daughter showed signs of coming down with something and she wanted to know if I was aware.

I told the nurse that my daughter seemed to be in good health that morning. Then I asked the dreaded question. Should I come to pick her up? I cringed at the thought of having to make excuses as to why I wouldn’t make the targeted deadline if I had to take my daughter to the doctors. The nurse, however, said that my daughter didn’t have a fever so she was okay to go home on the bus. I breathed a deep sigh of relief, but when I hung up the phone I couldn’t get back to my work because I was too overwhelmed with guilt.

Whenever I’m put in a situation where I think I might have to choose between work and my children, I feel torn. I always drop everything to be there for my family, but there are times when I’d rather be working. This was the case when the nurse called. I was in my element and didn’t want to be disturbed.

I was angry for feeling this way and I said some terrible things to myself. Things like “I can’t take feeling torn like this! It’s not fair and I can’t take it!” and “I can’t do both—progress in a career and take care of two kids! Why am I trying to do both when I know I can’t do it?! Other women do it, but I’m just not equipped! I can’t even work from home and not feel conflicted! I can’t! I can’t!” Finally I got hold of myself, called my daughter’s pediatrician to set up an appointment for the next day, rearranged my schedule and dug back into the project.

As it turned out I finished my assignment on time and my daughter received a clean bill of health from the doctor—which is usually the case. In her six years of life she’s never been seriously ill and neither has my eight year old. So with this in mind, I decided to end my periodic histrionics once and for all.

What I’d said about not having the ability to juggle parenting and work was a reoccurring toxic thought that served no purpose other than to punish myself. Awhile ago I’d read about countering negative thought patterns in Dr. Hamilton Beazley’s book, No Regrets: A Ten-Step Program for Living in the Present and Leaving the Past Behind, and I decided to pick the book up again for a refresher course.

“Although you may have experienced toxic thought patterns for years, it is not necessary to continue being hurt by them,” writes Dr. Beazley.

According to Dr. Beazley’s work, two of the thought patterns I suffered from were “mind reading” and “perfectionism.” I thought that if I had to ask for an extension on my very first project, I would look like an incompetent excuse maker and the organization wouldn’t contract with me again. Now this might be true, but I didn’t know this for sure. It’s more probable that if I submitted quality work despite a brief delay, they wouldn’t have held it against me.

Next I had to realize that I wasn’t perfect, never had been and never will be. There will be times with both working and parenting that my performance won’t reach stellar proportions. In every area of my life all I could ever do was my best.

Dr. Beazley says you can usually identify toxic thoughts because they begin with something like “I should have.” Another variation is “If only I had.” When these thoughts enter our minds, Dr. Beazley suggests using thought analysis to counter them. “Ask yourself if they are really true.”

As for me the truth is that while I’m often conflicted, I’ve been a working mother for over half a decade. So the next time I’m tempted to beat up on myself I’ll say: “Obviously I want to do both. I am doing both. It’s hard, but every day I’m getting better and better and better.”
Add Negative+Thought+Patterns to Twitter Add Negative+Thought+Patterns to Facebook Add Negative+Thought+Patterns to MySpace Add Negative+Thought+Patterns to Del.icio.us Digg Negative+Thought+Patterns Add Negative+Thought+Patterns to Yahoo My Web Add Negative+Thought+Patterns to Google Bookmarks Add Negative+Thought+Patterns to Stumbleupon Add Negative+Thought+Patterns to Reddit




RSS | Related Articles | Editor's Picks Articles | Top Ten Articles | Previous Features | Site Map


For FREE email updates, subscribe to the Life Coaching Newsletter


Past Issues


print
Printer Friendly
bookmark
Bookmark
tell friend
Tell a Friend
forum
Forum
email
Email Editor


Content copyright © 2014 by Leah Mullen. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Leah Mullen. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Leah Mullen for details.

g


g features
Spirituality and Stress Management at Work

Quotes about Work

3 Alternatives to Stress and Emotional Eating

Archives | Site Map

forum
Forum
email
Contact

Past Issues
memberscenter


vote
Poetry
Daily
Weekly
Monthly
Less than Monthly



BellaOnline on Facebook
g


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2014 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


BellaOnline Editor