logo
g Text Version
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies

dailyclick
Bored? Games!
Nutrition
Postcards
Take a Quiz
Rate My Photo

new
Action Movies
Bible Basics
Houseplants
Romance Movies
Creativity
Family Travel
Southwest USA


dailyclick
All times in EST

Full Schedule
g
g Life Coaching Site

BellaOnline's Life Coaching Editor

g

How to Use Criticism


Many times, during the two years Iíve been the life coaching editor here at Bella, Iíve stated that I am not a life coach, but rather a writer whose muse is the self-help industry. I interview the experts--the life coaches and other professionals who are out there doing the work of helping people realize their full potential. I review self-help books and I report on my own journey toward self actualization. However, that being said, for this weekís topicódealing with rejection and criticismóI can say unequivocally I am a master.

Just this past Monday I logged onto the computer and saw an email from an editor Iíd submitted work to a month ago. With trembling fingers and a heart filled simultaneously with hope and dread, I clicked open the email to learn that while the editor liked the story they decided to pass on it. Further the editor said that I should not feel badly because out of the thousands of submissions they receive, only 1 in 700 are actually published. It was a kind letter, respectful of my work, but something was missing. There was absolutely no criticism.

Letís face it, criticism is difficult to hear, yet itís necessary if youíve decided to pursue something on your own, like running a small business, consulting or any kind of art. Itís not like passing a job interview and getting evaluated once a year. When youíre forging your own path, you must keep proving yourself again and again. Over the years Iíve discovered techniques to use when listening to criticism so that I might move beyond hurt feelings and actually benefit from it.

1)First I listen carefully to what is said, extracting any value judgments and ask for specifics. Years ago during a performance appraisal, my supervisor told me I needed to take more initiative. I was confused because I thought I was showing initiative by bringing new projects to the table. But I was an assistant, the boss wanted me to show initiative with administrative things, like reorganizing the file cabinets. Asking her to be specific gave me a concrete project to work on.

2)When listening to criticism, once I understand what the problem is, I decide if I can or want to change the thing being criticized. Last year someone who was critiquing a short story of mine said it was too unrealistic. But in that case, I felt confident that the story was right for the market I was aiming for. So after correcting grammar and spelling errors, I left the story as it was and sold it a few weeks after submitting. My gut was right.

3)I keep in mind that receiving criticism doesnít mean Iím not good at what I do nor does it mean Iím hopeless or unable to improve. All of the greats have faced criticism and rejection. Sidney Poitier in his memoirs says he failed so miserable at this first audition that they physically threw him out! So what did he do as a result? He corrected what they said was wrong and he came back again. The next time he was accepted.

4)I donít let my self esteem rest on one project. I always have several projects. After I read the emailed rejection, I felt thwarted for awhileóabout the same amount of time that Iím ecstatic when I sell a story. A few hours later I was well into another project, the disappointment was long forgotten, and it was just another day.

5)Finally, and probably most importantly, Iím always grateful to anyone who takes the time to read my work and provide an opinion. Considering all of the distractions we have today, work, the children, the internet, satellite TV, etc. When someone gives my work their undivided attention for a period of time, even if they hate it, Iím grateful.

There is actually something worse than rejection and criticism. And thatís not getting any feedback at all. Sometimes we *already* know what we are doing wrong, but other times weíre blind to our own deficiencies and must seek feedback from others.

Ultimately the only way to avoid rejection and criticism is to hide. And how can you reach your goals if you wonít take any risks?
Add How+to+Use+Criticism to Twitter Add How+to+Use+Criticism to Facebook Add How+to+Use+Criticism to MySpace Add How+to+Use+Criticism to Del.icio.us Digg How+to+Use+Criticism Add How+to+Use+Criticism to Yahoo My Web Add How+to+Use+Criticism to Google Bookmarks Add How+to+Use+Criticism to Stumbleupon Add How+to+Use+Criticism to Reddit




RSS | Related Articles | Editor's Picks Articles | Top Ten Articles | Previous Features | Site Map


For FREE email updates, subscribe to the Life Coaching Newsletter


Past Issues


print
Printer Friendly
bookmark
Bookmark
tell friend
Tell a Friend
forum
Forum
email
Email Editor


Content copyright © 2014 by Leah Mullen. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Leah Mullen. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Leah Mullen for details.

g


g features
Spirituality and Stress Management at Work

Quotes about Work

3 Alternatives to Stress and Emotional Eating

Archives | Site Map

forum
Forum
email
Contact

Past Issues
memberscenter


vote
Poetry
Daily
Weekly
Monthly
Less than Monthly



BellaOnline on Facebook
g


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2014 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


BellaOnline Editor