Children with selective mutism have a social anxiety disorder that prevents them from speaking in social situations like school or family gatherings. Some educators, family members and even trained professionals might still attribute a refusal to speak in these circumstances to shyness, stubbornness, bad manners or defiance that can be overcome by encouragement, higher expectations, demands for performance, or discipline.

These responses have been found to have the opposite effect on a child's ability to speak, adding to the frustration and worry that parents experience who seek to help their children communicate in school or at large family gatherings as they usually do at home. It does not help to put forward an explanation or a label of shyness to explain or disregard a child's reticence to participate; every child is a complex individual who may need years to develop or enhance different aspects of their personalities.

There is help for children with selective mutism, often techniques that combine cognitive and behavioral therapy, learned coping strategies, medication and giving them time to take whatever small steps moves them in a direction toward comfortable communication. Early diagnosis and immediate appropriate intervention help most children overcome their initial anxiety sufficiently to begin communicating and participating in class.

It may be difficult for adults to understand the reaction that a child with selective mutism experiences in a preschool or primary grade setting, although in recent years surveys have shown that fear of public speaking is one that is rated higher for most people than catastrophic physical injury.

Those who have been called upon to speak at a conference or in front of a large audience without practice or prior experience might find the behavior of children with selective mutism understandable, and appreciate that even the best support and encouragement, or the most stern comments and threats from loved ones would not help them make progress.

The physical and physiological symptoms of fear that adults experience before a speech in front of a huge audience may be the same that a child with selective mutism, going to kindergarten for the first time, feels every day of the school year. It is no wonder that a five year old in that circumstance would develop habits take a while to undo, and might need to take small steps over a longer period of time to build new habits.

There is a great deal of diversity among children in comfort levels and communication styles as they grow up. Thoughtful, quiet and also somewhat shy children make up an important part of every classroom and grow up to contribute positively to their communities. Not every adult chooses to address large gatherings or give impromptu speeches in front of unfamiliar audiences, so having such expectations and putting that pressure on young children to perform when we expect them to should also be seen as inappropriate.

Building inclusive classrooms and supporting every child's temporary - or lifelong - special needs, helps us discover each individual's potential, unexpected gifts and talents. If you suspect your child or student experiences selective mutism, there are excellent resources available for intervention, support and encouragement.