Guest Author - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Your inner critic points out all the flaws of your body. Learn how to answer this critic and cultivate a happier, more positive outlook.

Your self-perceived flaws could include your height, weight, shape, or skin color – things that are difficult, if not impossible, to change. Or, your flaws could revolve around your personality: you’re too bossy, too loud, too quiet, too serious, too sensitive (those last two are ones I wrestle with!). Your inner critic harps on those flaws, and magnifies them until they are practically all you see about yourself. They become how you define yourself.

Don’t let your inner critic have the last word! Don’t argue with it, either. It sounds corny, but you can actually talk to it with curiosity and kindness – and you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn about yourself. When your inner critic tells you how blemished your skin is, ask, “Why are you concerned about my skin? Why does it bother you so much?” An answer may not be immediately forthcoming, but if you’re open-minded and honest with yourself, you may get to the root of your inner critic’s criticisms.

Remember that your inner critic’s role originally started by protecting you, and keeping you safe and loved. It just got out of control. (The link to How Your Inner Critic Affects Your Body Image is below).

Here are two possible discoveries after conversations with an inner critic:

Inner Critic: “Your acne is gross, and your nose is too big. How could anyone stand to talk to you, much less love or marry you?”
Going Beyond: You may be afraid of never being loved, getting married, or even developing an intimate relationship.
Reality: Love does not depend on how clear your skin is or how pert your nose is. Love and relationships are, however, affected by your self-perception and self-esteem.

Inner Critic: “Why can’t you stick to a diet? You’re too fat! Your BMI is in the obese range and you never exercise. What’s wrong with you?”
Going Beyond: These are your mother’s, father’s, or sister’s words. Your inner critic learned those words by hearing them repeated throughout your childhood.
Reality: You haven’t found a diet that works for you. Most people who lose weight and keep it off tried several diets – and failed until they found the one that worked for them.

Sit with your inner critic, and be open to the possibilities! Fear usually underlies inner criticisms: fear of being rejected, not experiencing love, not being liked.

You just want to be loved and accepted – and your inner critic wants that too, which is why it’s working so hard to make sure you’re perfect. But it’s not as smart as you are, and doesn’t know much about reality. Facing your inner critic with gentleness and kindness may change how you see yourself.

Resource: Embracing Your Inner Critic, by Hal Stone & Sidra Stone.