Guest Author - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Are you awkward and inhibited around people who are beautiful and self-confident? It may be because you feel insecure about your own body and personality. Your body image affects your relationships. For instance, I’m friendlier and more outgoing with people of “normal” attractiveness – and that really limits my interactions and experiences. It’s not just social relationships that are affected by poor body image, it’s marital and family relationships as well. In fact, too many things are put on hold because of negative body image: loving, committed relationships, professional career leaps, educational goals, physical fitness plans, invitations to parties, dreams to travel around the world…

Objectification
Being affected by my own or another’s physical appearance instead of accepting and loving the whole person, and being aware that we all have needs, emotions, and dreams, is objectification. When I hide behind my walls when I see a beautiful face or body, I lose the opportunity to meet someone I could actually have a real conversation with, and maybe even someday love. And vice verse: when I withdraw or pull away from someone based on their “unattractive” appearance or even their “annoying” personality, I can’t go past the surface to find out who they really are. In this way, my body image negatively affects my interactions in the world and severely limits my experiences and goal of living life to the fullest!

“…those with a poor body image have more trouble developing intimate contacts. They may sabotage relationships before they start or before they become really important,” writes Rita Freedman in her book Bodylove: Learning to Like Our Looks and Ourselves. A poor self-image can develop from not being lovingly touched when you were young, or being criticized, neglected or abused. It is exacerbated when you compare yourself to models and movie stars – or any family member, friend, or colleague you perceive has achieved and succeeded – and when you look at your own body, personality, and actions in a critical or negative manner.

Long-term, established relationships can also be affected by objectification and a poor self-image. Appearance can become as or more important than mutual respect, honesty and open communication. If you’re afraid of gaining a few pounds, changing your hairstyle, or even going back to school or getting a better job because of what your husband or boyfriend might think, then your relationship may not be grounded in love and authenticity. When your relationship revolves around your weight or your partner’s appearance, then you’re not likely to have uncritical and accepting perspectives of each other. And not only is that not love, it could also be lonely.

Healthy body image
When you have a healthy body image, your personal and professional relationships will be rooted in authenticity and honesty. You won’t be afraid to share your thoughts, feelings, and opinions because you know that you are more than your actions and appearance. You won’t feel insecure about talking to people you think are incredibly beautiful, intelligent, or well spoken because you know that they are human beings with insecurities and fears of their own – just like you.