Guest Author - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

The other day I was abrupt with a close friend, and I’ve felt bad about it ever since. Does this mean I have low self-esteem? Not necessarily. Does it mean I should apologize to her? Yes. Will this affect my self-esteem? Yes; I’ve found that apologizing for my careless treatment of others invariably makes me feel better about myself (unless of course I’ve made it a habit to constantly treat people poorly, in which case low self-esteem is merely the foundation of a bunch of other problems). Owning up to my actions also reminds me how important it is to be kind and loving – whether or not I feel like it. Have you ever made a mistake and apologized, and then felt better about yourself afterward?

Sometimes you feel bad about yourself because of a specific incident, or for no reason at all. This is normal and even healthy if it doesn’t last long, and may not be a reflection of your self-esteem (it doesn’t seem possible to constantly feel wonderful about who you are). However, if you feel worthless, sad, and unhappy about yourself more than you feel good and content, then you may have low self-esteem. If you don’t feel like a valuable person, then you may be more likely to overeat, smoke, or otherwise treat yourself poorly. Not only does this put a shadow over your life, it also affects the people around you: your family, colleagues, friends, and even your acquaintances.

How do you free yourself from a downward spiral into low self-esteem? First and most important open up to your friends and family and get help if you feel depressed or suicidal. Second, be aware of the consequences of low self-esteem (it can affect your body image, relationships with others, and the choices you make). Third, learn how to improve your perception of who you are – and enjoy yourself on your way up!

Ten Tips to Higher Self-Esteem
1. Give to others. Volunteer your time, talents, and energy to help an individual or group.
2. Fly solo. Have you always wanted to travel to Cairo or explore your city’s zoo, but can’t find someone to go with? Go alone, and meet people along the way!
3. Set small goals, and achieve them. If, for instance, you want to travel alone but aren’t ready, build up to it by taking short road trips or eating out alone.
4. Make eye contact with people. Treat the person on the bus or in the elevator like a friend: smile, nod, wish them a pleasant day. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at their response!
5. Take a creative class: painting, writing, sculpting, photography. Express yourself.
6. Laugh. Watch a funny movie, hang out with a goofy friend, read the comics. Practice looking at the lighter side of life, and taking yourself less seriously.
7. Spend time with people who make you feel good – and avoid those who drain, sadden, or deflate you.
8. Compliment his funky tie, or her astute comments. Tell people when you enjoy their company, the discussion you just had, or the dessert they brought to the potluck.
9. Say “yes” more often! Go to those potlucks, parties, and other places people congregate.
10. Be yourself. Reveal your genuine thoughts and opinions, and know that there will always be people with whom you simply don’t connect. This isn’t a reflection of you or them, it’s just human nature.

Bonus tip: Listen to people. Hear them when they speak, be open-minded and reflective.

Whether your self-esteem meter registers at low, medium, or high – you know what makes you feel better and what makes you feel worse about yourself. If snapping at a friend makes you feel bad, and apologizing better, then you know what to do. Trust yourself.

It’s your life. Make it a good one.