Guest Author - Vivian Nelson Melle

Sometimes I wish the mirror had never been invented. There are times when, until I look in the mirror, I look so thin. Like any woman, I have had my share of breakdowns in the dressing room. Strangely, the thicker I became, the less often they would come. This is why I believe I have completed my journey through the five stages of grief in the dressing room.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross was an amazing woman who helped numerous individuals through the grieving process. Any humor expressed here is an expression of how she has helped me process my own losses. Ross’s most famous book, “On Death and Dying”, offered a set of stages that an individual will work though when dealt a loss. Her brilliance lies in the fact that these stages can be applied to almost any situation and can be processed in any order for any amount of time.

Loss can simply be defined as the disappearance of something valued. For many women, weight gain is perceived as the loss of health and fitness. It is the loss of control. It is the loss of beauty. Standing in a dressing room with the bright fluorescents washing out the healthiest of skin offers a perfect environment for beginning the stages of grief.

Denial is the first stage through which a woman may journey. We’ve all suffered that sickening feeling of trying on an outfit we adore only to find it does not fit. We grab a size 10 when really a size 12 allows breathing. This is denial. It’s hard to accept gained weight or lost weight or muscles which have lost some firmness. It’s hard to believe that our bodies change.

Anger is the next stage and it is when we can be hardest on ourselves. We get angry and blame ourselves for the changes our bodies undergo. The anger stage of grief can come and go at any time. For a good portion of women, this is the stage where eating disorders can become drastically controlling of their lives. Women who become angry with their bodies try to find some way to control how they look. While changes cannot come overnight, a woman can control her body, even if it is in distorted and unhealthy ways.

Bargaining is the next stage where deals, usually unfounded and impossible to keep, are made. Bargaining is often a frantic stage full of cold hard emotion and little thought process. It is our last effort at controlling the situation. It is the last stage before many women give up.

Depression is the next stage where one simply gives up. It is one of the stages that most often leads to other health problems affecting a woman on multiple levels. The depression can present itself in varying ways, including loss of appetite; withdraw from friends and family, and giving up hobbies that once brought joy. Although this stage is entirely necessary, it is important to be honest with the emotions and get help when the sadness becomes too severe to function.

Finally, we learn acceptance. We learn to love what we have and look for ways to work with the changes a woman’s body may undergo. A sarong over a bikini may help ease a few extra pounds for one woman, while simply moving up a pant size to be comfortable may make another transition successful. We learn to accept ourselves as beautiful regardless of outside opinions.

Applying the stages of grief to body image may ease the pain associated with weight gain, weight loss, and many appearance-related dilemmas. Sometimes comedic, they can also become drastic and devastating. It is important to allow yourself to feel the stages and embrace the emotions in order to release the negative thoughts that can disease the mind. Feel the emotion and then release it. The body is forever changing and our feelings about will change as well.