Were you ever told “Beauty is on the inside” by your mother when you were young and feeling like an ugly duckling? I have been the recipient of these five little words several times as a teenager. Especially when I was having bouts of bad hair days, nothing fits, I’m too fat, I have tons of zits all while crying my eyes out because no one would ever love me. Have you ever been there? I am sure most of us have.

However when this would happen, my mother would gently and loving remind me that beauty was on the inside. She would go on to say that my looks were going to change over time any way so why be worried about it. As I sobbed into her arms, I would exclaim “people will make fun of me because I have a pizza face.” She would brush away my tears as she continued her lecture that acne was only a temporary thing (although I am now in my 40s and I still get an occasional breakout – mostly stress related) and how I shouldn’t be concerned what other people think. It is only important what you think of yourself.” She would continue in soft, loving tone doing her best to calm me done, “If those kids are only concerned with what is on the outside, they are very superficial and you should pay them no mind.” Then she would just hold me until my sobs diminished. I usually felt much better after our talk.

Next time you are having one of “those” days where nothing is right regarding your appearance and you think that everyone is looking at and talking about you, here are some of things you can do:

Take a couple of deep breaths. When we forget to breathe anxiety can occur allowing the vicious cycle to continue. Plus, we deprive ourselves of much needed oxygen to help nourish our bodies.

Try to relax. Once you are calm, take a look at the situation from a logical standpoint not an emotional one. Ask yourself questions like, “Is my hair really that bad that I can’t tie it back in a ponytail?”

Find someone who always makes you feel really good. That someone, perhaps she is your mother, can give you that pep talk or compliment that you need.

Find an inspirational source. I like to read several uplifting blogs and have subscribed to a couple of websites that send me very poignant email messages every day.

Remember that most people are so busy and wrapped up in their own lives that they are really not noticing your hair, clothes, acne, etc. I’ll give you an example. When I had my massage practice, I changed my door sign about a year after I was in business. About five or six months after I did this, a client came in for her monthly appointment and said, “Oh you got a new door sign?” I had to control myself because all I wanted to do was giggle because she was just now noticing. Remember she has been coming once a month for several months since the change was made. Or another example, how many times have your gotten your hair cut (sometimes dramatically) and people who you see on a daily basis will make the comment “Did you do something to your hair?” but not until days or possibly a week after the fact.

Remember all of your good qualities. Don’t focus on size of your body or breasts for that matter. It’s not about your hair is too long, too short, too flat, too frizzy, too curly, or getting too gray. Life is about your kindness, compassion, ability to listen, self-confidence, integrity or whatever other qualities you possess. After all, this is where true beauty lies. Just ask my mom.