Guest Author - Vivian Nelson Melle

I have officially become a soccer mom. Much like her mother, the soccer bug bit my daughter and there is no turning back. However, I am concerned over some of the other things I see in my daughter that came straight from my gene pool. One, in particular, is nail biting. Standing on the sidelines I was mortified to see her devouring her nails as her game anxiety elevated. It was time to address my own nail biting before my daughter's nails dissolved to nubs.

I can't remember when I started biting my nails, I only know that I have always done it. From an early age my parents would appropriately react by simply holding my hands gently and smiling. They would hand me something so I would have to remove my fingers from my mouth. My mom would buy me girly nail kits since I seemed to eat less nail when they were painted. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.

As I got older, I became aware of how ugly my chewed up nubs were, especially in high school when, as an orator, expression though hands was important. Chewed on nails showed anxiety and nervousness. This didn't bode well when trying to create self-assurance and knowledge in my impressions. Although one speech judge looked at my nails and told me I was too hard on myself but would go far. He was right, and it was a bitter truth.

For prom I remember asking my mom to take me to get my nails done. She would smile, shake her head and say that I would pull them all off by night's end. She would take me though, and by prom night's end I had a pile fake nail material in a pile on the table. I hung out with mostly guys, so the yuck factor wasn't an issue. It was disturbing to me though. How could I have everything in order and be the perfect perfectionist but not control this one area?

There were times in my nail biting when I would bite so far down I would draw blood. It is well known that the nail bed is one of the most sensitive areas and when you rip the nail off, well the pain can temporarily drive you insane. However, I would do it and instantly feel at ease. I would relax after hurting myself. I have been a teacher and counselor working with young people with self-injurious behavior, but never realized my own issues until recently.

Self Injurious Behaviors (SIBs) are ways one to two million people in America relieve tension, stress and depressed feelings. Some may bruise, while others cut. I have seen some make intentional burns, marks, and even designs in their skin. They mutilate different parts of their own bodies drawing a myriad of gratifications. It doesn't have to be a large wound, quite often it goes unnoticed.

So, how did a girl who had the perfect parents and amazingly supportive family become self-injurious? What can I say? I'm my own worse enemy. Most who injury out of anxiety have pretty good home lives, we are just too hard on ourselves. We are the ones who get good grades, start planning for college in kindergarten and are well liked around school. We also have a darkness that goes unseen and rarely is noticed unless we want it out.

How do you end the cycle? Throughout my 33 years, I have had beautifully short moments of beautifully manicured nails. In evaluating my own life, my nails are a ruler, of sorts, for how I see myself. When stress and anxiety eat away at my being, so go my nails. Treating the anxiety, the stress, the depression or whatever emotional baggage is pushing the behavior is key.

I must enforce how important it is to seek the advice of a medical professional. However, as a counselor who sees way too many prescriptions being written, I will also stress the importance of looking into all treatment options. For me, herbs and meditation have been the key to my success. A daily tincture regiment of St. John's Wart, Passionflower, Lavender, Valerian and Chamomile paired with yoga, meditation and prayer have done wonders. Also, the biggest help was acknowledging what I was doing. How could I be a good counselor, teacher, mother, when I was denying my own behaviors.

My behavior was minimal compared to many, but it is worth writing about if it will help others check in on their own well being. If parents reading this take a second look at questions they may have about their child, then this article was worth it. Sometimes the children who seem to have it all together are the ones who need to be checked on the most.

Last evening I actually had to trim my nails. Crafting and gardening make long nails impossible for me. For the first time in my life I had to cut my nails. Regardless of the darkness, there is always illumination if you are willing to work for it.

If you need help seeking treatment, contact your primary care physician or health insurance plan to see what is available. If you do not have insurance, contact your state's health department. You may also visit the articles below for more information on treatment options.