Guest Author - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Some women are born with it, others learn it through their childhood, and still others develop it as an adult. What is self-confidence, and how can you get it?

A confident woman:

- Finds and highlights the positive qualities of her body, mind, and soul. She knows that her attitude affects how she views herself, and how others view her – so she nurtures a positive, balanced perspective.

- Knows that negative, pessimistic thoughts erode her self-esteem, body image, and feelings of fulfillment – not to mention the havoc negativity plays on her immune system.

- Trusts her gut when dealing with her feelings and other people. She acts on instinct, after carefully considering her approach and the consequences of her actions.

For the rest of this list, insert Your Name at the beginning of the sentence. (For example: “Laurie trusts her gut when dealing with her feelings and other people”).

- Takes professional risks: speaks up at meetings, discusses her ideas with her supervisors, encourages her colleagues, and strives to learn more about her job.

- Strives for honesty in all her interactions, balancing being true to herself with respecting the feelings and opinions of others.

- Takes social risks: shows up at parties alone, smiles at strangers, and invites people she’d like to know better out for coffee or home for dinner.

- Feels fear, doubt, and insecurity – and takes action anyway.

- Makes decisions based on logic and research, her intellect and her gut.

- Finds her style (trendy, casual-outdoorsy, dressy?) and is comfortable in her clothes.

- Lets herself know what she knows, even if it hurts.

- Knows she’s in control of her life, even if she doesn’t always feel it.

Confidence won’t magically appear after you fit into a size six, earn your degree, receive the promotion, find a partner, have two kids, or stand up to your mother/brother/best friend. I once saw the most beautiful 18 year old girl on the Oprah Winfrey Show: she had long blonde hair, blue eyes, a slim body, and gorgeous smile. She reminded me of Kate Hudson. Her chin trembled and she couldn’t stop crying as she shared how ugly and worthless she felt. She didn’t feel “good enough.” Good enough for what? She didn’t know; nor did she know where her feelings came from. That’s how pervasive movies, tv, magazines, billboards, etc. are, and how much they affect us – much more than we realize.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, how beautiful, how married or single, or how many degrees you have. Self-confidence and self-esteem come from within, from loving yourself as you would your own child or best friend. Treat yourself with compassion, kindness, love, and awareness – because if you don't, who will?